By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
The only time they will do something is if there is physical abuse or the elder is no longer safe living alone.
That being said - are you witnessing these screaming matches yourself - are your sisters present? Or are you going by your mother's recounting of the events that occurred?
Abuse is never ok. But that being said - there is a lot of information that we are missing that would fill in some important gaps.
If your mother has memory issues, dementia or ALZ and is relating these arguments to you herself - are you 100% certain they are accurate? People with dementia - literally because their brains are broken - cannot be counted on to relay accurate details - through no fault of their own. If you do not trust your brother certainly she should not be left alone with him. But if she is the one relaying the information it wouldn't be unheard of for the story to be distorted. It frequently happens that people with ALZ or dementia choose one person to fixate on negatively, whether they have done something wrong or not.
If, however, you or your sisters are witnessing this- then you have a different situation. If your brother is participating in the caregiving - ask anyone here - caring for a loved one can leave even the most even-tempered living on shredded stress levels. Perhaps your brother needs time apart from your mother. But maybe not in the way you think.
If your brother does not provide care for your mother - perhaps there are other issues that are not being shared here that would contribute to the problem. You do mention that your mother could be less combative herself - is this a long running issue? Has she always been provocative or combative with him? Is there any history of abuse in the family?
You say that you are starting to look into reporting him to someone for elder abuse. This is a slippery slope that you cannot come back from. I have seen lives ruined for reports that were unfounded or false but it didn't matter - the damage was done. So tread carefully.
You jumped pretty quickly to removing them from the home and incarceration for yelling and screaming, while maintaining what sounds like your mother's participation in the arguments. You don't mention that your mother has expressed that she is afraid of your brother or claiming that he is abusing her.
And I'm really lost as to the question about whether they or the family would need to pay any money? To whom would they pay money?
Is your brother threatening physical abuse?
Has your mother expressed fear of your brother?
Is this the norm for them, these loud shouting matches, or is this unusual?
What you should do is speak with your mother, as nowhere do you indicate she has dementia. Ask her what she would like to do about her son's shouting at her. I am assuming you have already spoken with brother?
Have you tried living with your Mom recently? Is she a sweetheart to live with, with all her elderly problems? How many days would you survive? Would you start screaming after the third day?
APS charges are very serious. It’s sad that your family is arguing. He isn’t physically abusing her. Are you concerned about him doing so? In stressful times, people do argue.
Your mom doesn’t get a free pass for being old. Both parties need to show respect for one another.
Please give us more details.