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My grandmother refused to go in with him to hid doctors appointments because she got tired of him lying to the doctor and not doing anything that was recommended...
BTW, do you have medical and or durable POA for her. If so, then make sure that you take a copy of your medical POA for the doctor to have on file.
I agree J as to her meds. You need to do a list of all medications she takes even over-the-counter ones. Also her ability to take med's - my mom cannot swallow big pills as she has scar tissue from surgery in the 1940's so everything has
to be split. Which she cannot do, so instead a different med
was prescribed. Quite a few meds are available in liquid form
which can be flavored if she's picky that way. Also does she
take her meds appropriately time, like 1 hr before meal or
on an empty stomach or with water. This is really important
as some drugs (like thyroid meds) can't be as effective
if their not taken correctly.
You might have to go thru her cabinets to find what's what as she doesn't think of 2 glasses of Metamucil daily as being a drug......
Also there might be old, old prescriptions that need to go away.
What I found helpful to the gerontologist was a description of
what her day is like - time she gets up and what she does, can she get out of bed on her own or does she need to put her weight on the nightstand and push off to rise; does she set an alarm, if not can she actually set an alarm clock which involves
fine motor skills and awareness of time/date; what clothes does she wear and if she was stylish when she was younger is that still there or is it just anything clean or dirty - apathy is a sign of depression; does she dress appropriately for the weather - this is a big clue as they might feel the heat/cold or are told that it's cold but their brain doesn't register that they need to have on a coat or hat.
Can she cut her food if she needed to OR is she only going
for soft easy foods because she can't cut a piece of meat and
knows it BUT doesn't want you to find out. Does she still make
a shopping list for the grocery and can she figure out how to pay & if the change is correct. Can she open & close her purse and handle her wallet/$$/ etc.
The day in the life is really good as alot of elderly are totally OK in their house but really cannot function outside. When you go to visit them all seems OK are they are in space they can control but take them to Target or Luby's and it's all chaos.
Being a hard realist is what needs to happen. If she can stay in her house and her health is fine, then great. But if independent living with amenities like daily meal and transportation is needed, then fine. Or AL or NH. I think the goal should
be what is appropriate because you don't want her to move
to a $ 6K a mo AL when IL would be a better fit.
Good Luck!