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But a Village of helpers becomes necessary. Villagers that are patient, kind, that add joy, those with the strength to roll people, transfer & use lifting machines, those with the management skill to run all the services & staff.
When you take on a *mission* as a *lone caregiver* it can become lonely real quick. Lonely. Too heavy - physically & emotionally.
You burn out.
Ask yourself WHY you have taken on this *mission*? You & your Wife, right?
I took this from your reply;
"wife and I don’t want to give her away anywhere... she’ll just die if we leave her..and we feel very sorry for her"
Unpack all that.
LOOK at your language you use.
I notice straight off it contains many FEELINGS & assumptions.
"don't want to give her away"
You are SAD, OK. Maybe fearful too.
"she'll just die if we leave her.."
Really? Why do you say this?
Would you leave her alone? Or in a NH/group home/care facility?
"..feel sorry for her".
Sadness again. OK.
Welcome to the forum. You are reaching out for the wider community, looking for others to help, looking for the *Villagers*.
Well done. Keep going. Find them.
https://www.genworth.com/aging-and-you/finances/cost-of-care
Average was $33.00 an hour. If she really needs two people at a time, all the time, there’s no way anyone but the top .1% can afford to pay for it, especially since the early onset means it could go on for decades.
My back of a napkin estimate, is about $15,000,000 for just the caregivers for the rest of her life. (33x2x24x365.25x25) If this kind of money is a real possibility, don’t skimp on good professional legal/medical/financial advice.
Is she paying you to care for her?
Is she paying you rent and her fair share of ALL household expenses?
Oh, and this is not an agency, this is a Forum of Caregivers and the participants are from all over.
What it will cost you is greatly dependent upon where you live, and the type of care this person needs. Your best bet is to contact several agencies and let them evaluate this person as to the type of care she needs.
I also suggest that you get the other things I mentioned sorted out.
I read so many posts of people that never got paid, they wait until the person dies in hopes that the family will pay them, give them the house that was promised and all such matters of compensation.
Good luck calling agencies in your area to find the info you need.
It will cost a lot. I did some home care, that alone is about 25 dollars an hour , from a company, private might be less. But when I did home care and a client was declining this badly I would call the company and tell them I can't go there anymore, I wasn't about to risk hurting myself for a job. So I think it's going to cost more .
I have no clue on your financial situation but I do believe if your wife was of sound mind she wouldn't want you to risk everything for her well-being.
As a wife with a sound mind, I would tell my husbands to put me in a nursing home, visit me but don't ruin your life, health, and fiance over me
Again I'm so sorry 😞
It is not. That would be someplace like Visiting Angels, Care.com, and etc. We are only a Forum of Caregivers.
You tell us that you have someone in mid 50s with diagnosed dementia. It isn't clear what relation this person is to you or if you are this person's POA. It sounds as though this person needs way too much care for care in the home, and should likely be placed where it is possible to get 24/7 care from a staff.
More information may help. Wishing you the very best.
That means it is cost prohibitive to try and do this in home.
I agree with the others. She needs to go into an AL facility. She will get much better care for less money.
This woman needs more help than you seem to be able to give her. If she is not related to you I am wondering why you continue to care for her. Aides are $15 to $20 an hr. Even if related, I personally would not be taking care of this person. Call APS and tell them you cannot care for this woman any longer. Or send her to ER refusing to take her back to your home.
The cost for this kind of in-home care would be cost prohibited.
Like already suggested, please call 911 and have her taken to the ER, and once there, refuse to take her back home telling the hospital social worker and doctors that she is an unsafe discharge and that she has no one to care for her.
They will then have to find placement for her.
She needs to be out of your home sooner than later so please call 911 today.
At 54 if she has dementia it is ALZ or wet brain. Take her to the ER and explain she's a renter and that you're not her caregiver and that she's an "unsafe discharge".