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Be patient. If you are feeling disgusted, try to conceal that to preserve his feelings.
I recommend disposal underwear. And I never refer to them as 'diapers.' They are for adults and they are disposal underwear.
* It is important that you understand how the stroke affected your spouse in terms of his mental / cognitive abilities. When the brain chemistry changes, 'training' or re-directing / directing is not always possible.
- It is important to understand what he can do and emphasize these areas (so he feels better, encouraged - as he is certainly frustrated, too (if not also embarrassed).
* Speak to medical professionals - social worker, rehab (ask for referrals), join a support group.
* Try to deal with your own emotions with others and not take it out on him. I am not saying that you are, however, it would support both of you if you can get the support (emotional / psychological) you need, to support him.
* And get caregiver(s) or help as you need it. Don't try to manage this all by yourself (if you can afford 2 hours a week, several times a week - do what is needed to keep yourself as together as you can.
* Google stroke and abilities or words like that and see what comes up. Use the word of the type of stroke he had in your search.
Gena / Touch Matters
I have an idea that this is your problem, the board and care will no longer care for him because its a 2 person assist. So how do you think you can? May be time to place ur partner in Long-term care. If paying for it is a problem, then apply for Medicaid.
I would suggest you and your husband attend an appointment with his MD and ask about this question. For some people dealing with a new colostomy and etc. there are things taught to help them have, say, a daily morning BM. But for the bladder, I cannot see any progress being made. Your MD will have perhaps the best information or the best referral for your question.
I wish you luck.
There are a multitude of medications out there to try and help with bladder spasms but they don't always work as in the case of my late husband who was severely incontinent after developing vascular dementia. He too had had a massive stroke at the age of 48, but thankfully didn't become incontinent until he was around 68.
His urologist also tried putting Botox in his bladder as that has been shown to help with incontinence, but it didn't help my husband.
As a last resort his urologist put in a supra pubic catheter(permanent)which for us was a Godsend, at it allowed us both to sleep through the night(verses getting up every hour on the hour to pee as I had to help him)and I only had to empty his catheter bag twice a day.
It's hard any way you slice it. The one who will need to be "toilet trained" is you, as you're the one who will be helping change his diapers and cleaning him up, holding the plastic urinal for him if need be, getting him to the bathroom in time and the like.
I do hope you think long and hard before you bring him home, and if you do you have plenty of help lined up to assist you in his care.
Wishing you both the very best.
Best of luck
You don’t train a stroke patient to control bladder and bowel function as you would a toddler or a puppy. As the brain recovers, he might regain some capacity for control, but don’t count on it. If he does, it may not be for a long time. And if he is incontinent, the best place for him is in a facility, not at home.
Time for a Come To Jesus meeting with his providers, and ask them to level with you and tell you the truth, however brutal it may be.
Have you talked to a Physical Therapist to determine what help he will need before you bring him home?
I also suggest that you have a PT come to your house to let you know what modifications will be necessary to make it safe for your husband to return home. (and if any modifications are needed have them done PRIOR to bringing him home) And if any equipment is necessary to care for him safely get that prior to bringing him home. When I say care for him safely that is not just his safety but yours as well. You can not afford to get hurt while caring for him or there will be 2 that need caregivers.
Has he had occupational therapy? Did he go to rehab following hospitalization?
Have you asked his doctor or therapists if this is even possible?
If you cannot manage his care you should not bring him home. Ask about nursing home placement.