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Hugs 🤗
This is why its going to have to be something serious to get me into rehab. And then, if I can do homecare, I am going that way.
When my DH had his liver transplant, there was this poor old guy with severe dementia who was bad off enough to need to be on the surgical floor, but he slept all day and wandered all night. DH said more than once he'd wake up to this gent wandering in and fussing with his IV ports!!
The hospital was not allowed to 'restrain' this man and my poor hubby is lying there with a 4' incision in his belly and myriad IV's--hardly able to hop up and escort this man back to his room!
I blew a head gasket over this. The hospital held firm to their 'no restraint' policy and finally had to go 'legal' on them. This man, in his dementia, could have done any number of awful things to these bed bound patients!! I just told the head of the floor that I couldn't and wouldn't be at the hospital 24/7 protecting my DH! I threatened a lawsuit--(son was in law school and he came up with some obscure law that protects people in this exact situation). Amazingly, they were able in one day to move the wanderer to a room right by the nursing station. This was an easy fix, they just didn't want the hassle.
Maybe the NH needs to 'bell the cat' so they can HEAR him coming and head him off at the pass. It just seems there has to be a way to let your mom have her 'home' and keep this guy under wraps, so to speak.
Your poor mom--this has to be horrifying.
If that doesn't work, a therapeutic fib might be the answer "Mom, they need to move you to XYZ room because there is a patient that has to come here and only your room will do." She will balk at first, and maybe have a bit of a slump, but if you and the staff work with her to integrate and make new friends, it could be a good thing.
It seems that getting away from some of the irrational behavior could be a good thing and she might have more settled and calm days -- which would be better for her.
Best of luck, it's so hard when we feel stuck between two bad choices!