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Another story.... One day Mom had a delusion that my boss was picking her up for a lunch date....she was already to go and waiting in one spot looking out the window. I asked what she was doing and that's what she told me, I just said Oh OK... then thought... wow, maybe I can get stuff done in the house. So sometime went by I asked again... she was still in that spot same reason. OK cool I got some stuff done, then I had to go to work that afternoon. I though OMG how an I going to get her in my car without an argument??? UMMM??? I got an idea... I called a friend without Mom knowing...I asked her to call back pretend she was my boss. She did...then I answered and pretended her date was stuck and needed help that's why he wasn't there yet. I said on the phone "oh yes we will come help you!" It worked she hurried to the car.... Then she forgot 5 minutes later all about the date and said "Where are we going?" This works sometimes but sometimes she knew I was pretending or didn't trust me.
Anyway, back to the videotape idea. My mom wouldn't have believed it even if she saw it, but perhaps your relatives, the doctor, etc. will believe you when they actually see it.
My siblings do nothing for my mother, see her, as I've mentioned, maybe once a month for a couple of hours. Then, they have the nerve to believe the convoluted lies my mother tells them about me--really sick, vicious stories. It amazes me how my mom never, ever tells them all the countless things I do for her, including keeping her large home organized and spotlessly clean. I do everything including ordering her everything she decides she needs online. I buy her clothes for her, make sure she has all the special foods she likes, going from store to store to buy her all the products she desires. I even have organized all the remodeling of her home and transformed her front and backyard--the grass was all burned out and now it's like a lush, green carpet. She never once tells my brother and sister the countless things I do for her. But, she makes up lies so they will think I'm terrible. Once, in tears, I asked why she liked to hurt me so much and why she never said anything nice about me to anyone and she said, "I don't know." I thought that was an interesting lack of an answer. So, her lying does affect my quality of life.
if they think the worst of me, it relieves them of their guilt in not contributing to the care of my mother and somehow empowers them in a bizarre way.
Each of us may be dealing with different circumstances, but I would like to share with those of you who have people in your lives who are deliberately lieing that is is deliberate, sometimes. In my case, I do understand that it is not malicious on my mom's part. To her it is one of the few things she can do to control her environment and those around her to help her live a better life ... to get the things she needs to stay alive.
I hope that is helpful to some and I also realize that for others the brain has in fact deteriorated and it is a whole different story. In my mom's case she knows exactly what she is doing and she admits to it when we talk it through...
So, let's all keep sharing our very different scenarios because some will match and some will be different. It is all helpful to me to understand the giant spectrum of what we are experiencing.
Thank you all for being here and for continuing the dialogue.
If I'm careful and alert I can stop things before they start, but I'm far from perfect. Just saying .... It's good to hear your story and to see that others have similar experiences. Thank you for sharing! Have a nice weekend.