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PS - I would also tell SIL that if she thinks immediate action is needed you appreciate her offer to come visit and assess the situation for herself and help get him to the doctor etc. If she 'can't' come visit then tell her you are happy that she doesn't think the situation requires more than you are able to do now. I choose to 'assume' that an offer of advice is an offer to help. Now I get a lot less advice and a lot more help!
Seriously, though, maybe you should make a list of absolutely everything that is wrong with your husband-everything you've noticed, no matter how little. Also, gather up every single med he takes, both prescribed and OTC, and take it to his doc. The more information the doctor has, the better he will be able to figure out what's going on. Best of luck to you and remember, we're all here pulling for you.
Take things one at a time.
Lets hit the diarrhea first. Hes a diabetic so is probably thirsty all the time. Fluids make stool soft. Not only that he is losing fluids through the diarrhea. So you have to counter act that. Potassium is what he needs.
Dont JUST give him that to eat and not all of those because something like potatoes has a high sugar content. balance it out, because, well at that point you dont want him constipated, right? There are over the counter meds for it, but if hes a diabetic and has other issues, you should seek a doctors opinion. and also, its just plain healthier for foods over the meds in my opinion.
So now lets start with some help for you, try contacting your local office of aging and adult services aka adult social services or adult protective services. They have a wealth of information that could get you some help in many ways!! Your local church might have some things they can help you with.
as for the sister, i dont know. im much more aggressive than alot of people on this site haha. Frankly id tell her that if shes so concerned, then she needs to get herself out there and help you do these things or shut the $%^& up and leave you alone, because you have enough to deal with and cant sit and hold HER hand 24/7. but thats just me.
I hope this has given you a few answers that you needed.
I work 55+ hrs per wk,need my job,can't be off w/o planning to be off well in advance. When my husband, who I love with all my heart, had to go thru emergency by-pass, 3 emergency bowel blockage surgeries, diabetes complications, all within a short period of time,many EMS calls, I thought I was going over the edge. It really takes it toll. Thank goodness, none of my s-i-ls called me like yours did or it would've put me over the edge. Family/friends thought I was doing a good job.
On the flip, my elderly mom stopped talking to me/family, took up with the paid caregiver, and last wk her lawyer notified me that my POA has been revoked and mom is threatening to sue me. We've never gotten along but I stepped up to the plate (my sis didn't), my kids have gone beyond the call of duty, I spent thousands to give her a good life. I'm hurt/angry, right now, I honestly am tired of a lifetime of her abuse, this legal thing is another form of abuse from her.I don't want to see her. My kids and I are alone on this one, only have my sis and one aunt. Dead silence from them. Friends on the other hand totally agree b/c they know mom and they think she is one of the meanest people they've ever met.
I wish you the best in finding strength to get thru this. There are others trying to find strength each day also. Do you have anybody who can give you a break or help, someone you can lean on to keep your spirits up. My heart goes out to you, yvonne. The very best to you.