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Are either you or your husband also holding down a job? There are so many variables to consider. Please give more info on your situation.
Woweeee....I thought I had heard it all. Note to Elders: let's be a little more grateful for caring family members by honoring and respecting them.
I don't know your financial situation but she really should be paying YOU if it doesn't create a severe hardship for her. Goodness what about your financial future? I know money is such a touchy issue for all of us.
Even if your mother never appreciates one thing you do, you will recieve your reward in heaven.
Please take a break for your own sanity! God Bless.
For Dee: Mother would pass out before she paid me anything for helping her. She does buy my $1.00 McDonald's hamburgers, fries, and a senior drink sometimes or gives my husband some money to help pay on our meal when we eat out, which is usually only on Sunday.
Hi, LynnPo: My step-dad did pass away from alzheimer's two years ago. We have lived here 3 years. We gave up everything where we had lived for 43 years...our home, our daughter and grandsons, our jobs, our church and friends...so they wouldn't have to go to a nursing home. Mother isn't able now to cook, clean, take care of her medicines, or do many basic things. She can't see well, her balance is getting bad, and she has seizures and insulin dependent diabetes. Things are getting worse all the time. Thank you for you response.
For Looney: Thank you for you email. My step-dad didn't like my husband doing anything at home, but he had alzheimer's, so we thought that was his problem with it all. Mother never compliments my husband's work in the yard, but the neighbors do and friends do. Plus, he is battling prostate cancer and we have that to worry about, too. Thanks for your response.
If, on the other hand, you have any concerns that she is simply throwing money out the window, that would be a red flag to consider before throwing your hard earned money out the window. For me only, I don't see any right or wrong answer to your dilemma. You know what feels right and whether there is an underlying concern involved.
One way to determine whether your Mom is thinking clearly on her request that you increase your payments to her might be to ask her to give you a specific dollar amount. Also ask her how she came up with such an amount. If true, let her know that you are willing to make the sacrifice if you can see where the money will be needed, how it will be used, and whether there is something else you may do for her household to absorb a fixed cost yourself without having to increase your payment to her.
Also provide her with some hardcopy information about what it would cost her in your area to pay for in-home care in contrast to your current payment and assistive care to her.
Would she prefer that you moved out? May as well ask her and lay it all on the table so that you really know what you may be facing. It may be anger only, or you may both be surprised at what you learn in the process. Making a money demand is sometimes about the person demanding life control and setting boundaries.
You mentioned that she has lots of health problems. How those problems affect her ability to independently perform her major life activities is also important to your decision, I would think? Good luck in sorting through the layered issues and doing what feels right to you. Your brother is an awesome caregiver champion, by the way. What a loyal and brave thing for him to have done on your bnehalf!
If your mother and step dad are well enough to make meals, do housekeeping, etc... then why are you living there? Are they really so bad off that you HAVE to be there 24-7? Having additional people living in the house means a higher water bill (more showers, laundry, dishes and flushes), a higher electric bill (more lights on, more heat, more appliances, hot water) and more groceries. If you buy groceries for everyone and contribute to bill AND help them - then it's all good.
As for your brother - tell him to mind his own business! You and your mom worked out a deal and that should be enough for him unless he suspects grose abuse of mother or her funds.
But if you are just hanging out and making sure she is OK everyday then maybe 200.00 is OK but I highly doubt that is what you are doing!
Maybe she would feel better if she read these comments. :) I would be really interested to see what others have to say. I wonder what my time is worth somedays!
Have her cost out what it would be or what you do for her and she can tell you how much your room and board adds to her cost. Then subtract and see who owes who.