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After my cousin progressed, began to wander, the doctor said she had to go to a Secure Memory Care facility. She didn't question it at all, was content and happy when I left her. (She really didn't know where she was or that she had been at another facility at that point. She loved what she called "her apartment" ).
The director said that I should not visit for about 2 weeks. I called and they said she was doing fine and she was. She has been very content since day one. It was the right thing in our case.
I would explore the facility in detail beforehand, to make sure that they are trained and able to care for someone with her needs. For example. In a regular AL, if the resident is resistant to care, uncooperative, exhibits odd behavior, etc. you may get repeated phone calls to come and address it. They may not be staffed or trained to understand and work with the resident. But, in a special unit, like MC, they seem to be prepared for that. They have ways to work with the resident. That is expected in that unit and they attend to the residents needs. I think it's important to be very candid about the level of care that she may have. Everyone is different. I had a great aunt who lived in a regular AL then nursing home for many years throughout all stages of her dementia and never seemed to need a MC unit.
I understand that sometimes the adjustment is more difficult if the person is further along in the disease
In our case, mom is very dependent on me and it was gut wrenching to leave her there and I cried for days after
In her facility the residents don't have access to phones and some are so upset and want to call a loved one - this really bothered me for a long time as put yourself in their place - you're lost scared and can't call anyone for help, but of course that call is only a temporary fix as its forgotten immediately
The other thing that really bothered me is the lies staff tells the residents - oh your loved one will be here at 10 in the morning to have breakfast with you or they'll be her soon go wait in your room
But now I chime right in with the chorus- a new resident was having a horrible time over the holidays looking for her daughter- she cried and wouldn't sit still so I tried to comfort her on New Year's Eve - she was convinced she had taken her mom to the hospital the day before so without hesitation I said the hospital called an hour ago and mom is doing fine she's asleep and they don't want you driving in the rain tonight to come see her - she was so relieved- for about a minute
So my mom is atypical- knows a lot can read do math can draw a map to get home and such but she thinks we still live together and spends a lot of time asking where I am - I try to tell her she's in a care facility because she fell and hurt her head - she cried when she realized she wasn't going home so I try to change the subject now - 3-to 4x a week I tuck her in at night and we say our prayers together - at the end I say God bless mom and she says God bless Madge
The only time I stayed away for 10 days was when I was sick in bed with the flu -
Until you prove to me that my mother is better without any visitors then sorry she ain't going in that type of care home. What if they feed her in an order she doesn't like, what if they don't understand that she PREFERS sleep with her slippers on, what if they don't realise the significance of her cuddly toy. These are tiny tiny things to a lot of people but to my mother it is the difference between night and day almost, and it is these things that the HOME has to adjust to - it is NOT for the service user to adjust to THEM. Care homes that don't recognise person centred care and individuality of their service users don't meet the standard FOR ME. Others may disagree (and you can because it wont change my thinking) but I expect better.
No one size fits all here
I moved mom (93) to memory care a year ago and she still has not adjusted and wants to go home
Some new residents have no idea where they are or why and don't care and others get so riled up they have to be heavily medicated
Depending on your mother's overall health and mobility- how do you think she will do on her own there ? Is this a nursing home or assisted living with memory care ?
I see you are in SoCal so if you want to private message me I'm happy to share more with you
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