By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mom has lost the concept of time and after lunch she says she didn't eat and is ready for breakfast, vice-versa, etc... Yes, I believe that calling a little bit before she calls me is a wonderful idea. I am going to do that from now on.
Dear bookworm-I'm happy that both you and richardj feel that way about me getting into the car when I can and shouldn't beat myself up or feel guilty when I cannot. Hospice did increase the dosage about two weeks ago from half of one, to one, now Mom is on two pills of Lorazapam. And its only been very recent that her agitation and anxiety increased and that's when I spoke to the charge RN to increase it from 2 pills to two and a half and she said Ok and Mom can even have 3 when they see signs of great agitation and confusion. So they are doing their job.
Hospice gave me materials to read and one of the signs of decline is the advanced agitation, then calmness, then agitation again, etc.. I must read the materials again, but its so hard to pick them up and read them again because then I would have to face reality again. And also you are right when you say to tell her that I'll see you tomorrow, that calms her down a whole lot and she gets relief from that.
I've been in a very sad and depressed state lately. Even sis noticed it in a very worried look at me yesterday when she came over to bring me some food. She is worried about my emotional state I think.
The only earthly relief and comfort I get is from all of you men and women and I thank God for all of you every day and pray for all of you every day.
Thank you my dear friends......
Under these circumstances, I do not see the reason for not jumping in the car and going to comfort her WHEN YOU CAN. I also see no reason to beat yourself up or feel guilty when you cannot. I think there must be more to this picture if your therapist is saying don't go to your mother when she calls. I can understand that Hospice is looking out for your welfare, too, and would discourage you from overextending yourself. Perhaps it would be helpful to sit down with the hospice staff and have a serious conversation about your goals and reasons and their concerns.
You told hospice to give to give her more Lorazapam? For heaven's sake, why aren't they the one's suggesting that to you? My husband is on hospice care now, at home, at that drug is in the comfort kit I was given the first day. Just as I'd use one of the pain medications for physical pain I would certainly use that medication for emotional pain. RichardJ is right that it only treats symptoms. Your mother and my husband are at the end of their lives. They are not going to be cured. Treating the symptoms is the best we can hope for. I certainly am not going to withhold temporary comfort just because it is temporary! And that would also be my reason for going to my loved one when my presence would be comforting.
If you do have a conversation with the hospice staff, I would very much like to hear how it goes.
Something else to think about is the time. Read up on "sundowning". Essentially, as dementia progresses and destroys the brain, the circadian rhythms get scrambled, resulting in confusion. One possible aid for this is melatonin. Melatonin is a neuro-hormone produced in a healthy brain, where it helps regulate circadian rhythm. You can pick up a bottle of melatonin at your local drug store, it's usually in the herbal remedy aisle (I don't know why, as it's not herbal. They get it from the pineal gland of animals...too much info, I know). Talk with her doctor about it. Another possible cause of sundowning might be that 5-6 pm is either meal time, shift change at the facility, or both. The heightened activity confuses her, and she calls you for comfort. Again, it's "I want to feel safe, because I'm confused."
My dad, who has advanced vascular dementia (also called multi-infarct dementia) is on Lorazepam, and while it does decrease a lot of anxiety, he still does the "I want to go home" thing, despite the fact that mom and I care for him in the home he's lived in for over three decades. That's because the dementia has destroyed his brain's ability to process input. What he sees, hears, etc., is gibberish to him. He's confused and wants to feel safe. An increased dosage of Lorazepam won't fix the problem, because it's unfixable. His brain is dying, and you can't revive those dead cells. Again, your mother may not have progressed that far, I'm just sharing my experience.
So, aside from melatonin, what can you do? I can really only think of one "trick" that might help. You say she calls at the same time every day? If she calls every day at 5:00, call her at quarter 'til. Engage her in a conversation about the visit you just had. "Remember earlier today when I was there, and we were talking about...blablabla. That was SO funny!" Don't overwhelm her with details, as it will only add to her confusion. Try to subtly suggest that you have everything under control. You might also say "I'll see you tomorrow!", although that has its own danger. If she dozes off for fifteen minutes, she may think she's slept all night, and wonder where you are.
Well, that's all I've got. It's really not much, despite the fact that it looks like a novel. Hope it helps.