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My mother also likes to argue. She will take the opposite view of mine on just about everything. Sometimes she will even switch views just to keep opposed to me. I find it is pointless to argue. Sometimes I give it a start, then say I don't want to argue. She wins by default. Arguing just makes her mad, which is worse than just letting it go. Nothing matters that much, anyway.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in a couple of old sayings or punchlines. Often care receivers are bad to bite the hand that feeds them. Maybe it is because the person represents their loss of independence and freedom, so there are some bad feelings there. Too, I imagine it is difficult to have a person come into your home and life. Most people would prefer to live separately if they could. Another punchline seems to fit good if it is modified a bit -- "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member." Sometimes I feel with my mother since my life is so unimportant that I can take time to care for her, than I must not be very important. This lesser position is an opening for abuse.
The thing that keeps me sane (well, partly) is knowing personally that I am important. However, over time I have felt my self esteem going down. I wish we didn't have to put up with all these bad feelings of growing old, particularly when we no longer are spring chickens ourselves.
for your caring answer and now that I know that I am not alone in dealing with this particular problem, I will seek professional help in helping me deal with it.