Follow
Share

Saw the checkbook and was shocked to see $300 to Charity A, $200 to charity B. Two weeks later, the same again with another charity given $100. How can I stop this? Pretty soon there will be nothing for his future. I did call charity A but they said they can only reduce the number of mailings, not remove his name.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

71 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
1 2 3
Agingmyself,
Good answer! I simply told my Mom that since she was no longer working she had a budget to live on ( which I took over when she was no longer mentally capable ) but she was able to understand when I made light hearted jokes about her not being a "Baroness" and that she needed to invest in herself and had done plenty for charities over the years. Then I just took over the mail so "out of site, out of mind" I throw out anything that relates to a charity or cause before she can even think about it. Last but not least, I took possession of her check book and CC's so she can't give her money away even if she gets the urge from TV ad's or telesolicitors. She has dementia and her judgement is very compromised. She made me POA and executor and trusts me knowing I will do anything to protect her best interest. I could care a less if she dies with only 100.00 dollars left, better than her being broke from poor financial decisions. It's not about me, it's about her since it is her money and I want to make sure she won't have to go without what she needs or wants. She is grateful I am watching over her in everyway I can for her physical as well as financial safety.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
I have even employed a whistle when these calls come in. In case it's a real person, I can blow the whistle in their ear! I am not a mean-spirited person, but when the FOP or the Red Cross kept calling asking for my husband, I had to tell them that he had deceased to get them to stop calling!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Lassie, it's a whole different question if you're dealing with cotton-candy brain. That person shouldn't be even writing checks. The original question did not specify that the parent was crazy or demented, just that he seemed to be acting carelessly with his money. Some guidance and advice is the first step. We don't need to be overly dramatic here, do we? My own mom used this solution when she got requests or sales pitches: "I never do anything like this until I talk to my daughters about it first." End of problem. We didn't tell her to do that. She did it on her own, and it was very effective. I think sometimes a parent just needs a bit of reasonable advice to help deal with this stuff.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Surprise - That is absolutely hilarious, wish I could see that! I have a landline and answering machine, the only calls I get in the morning are from fundraisers who talk in a loud voice, blah blah blah blah 'so how much can I put you down for??' I have learned at long long last to say 'you can put me down for nothing, sir, I am not in a position to help you out. Good day, sir - I say, GOOD DAY!'
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Absolutely love it, surprise! When I moved into a new town to take a job, the phone number I was given was either similar to or perhaps was previously that of a pizzeria, so people called to order pizza. I told someone else who had had a similar problem, and he said he just started taking orders from the callers!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
My house receives about 6-8 calls a day, and we simply ignore the ringing phone unless we hear a friend speaking to the machine or recognize the caller on the cell phones.

When the teenagers are here, I give them free reign to answer the phone for us. Our number is similar to a pawn shop's, and daily we receive calls about their hours. The teens have a fun routine for answering our phone, spoken in a variety of horrible, fake, not-local accents, depending on what movies they've watched recently:

"Ell-o, This is not Quick Cash. How may I help you?"
"No, no. This is not Quick Cash. You is wanting money today? You is selling something to me? What do you want?"
"No, no, I not authorized spender on credit card. I can give you a deep discount though."
"Do you want my manager? Here, let me give him/her the phone."

Next kid starts the routine from the top!

My husband and I watch this from the kitchen table trying not to spew our coffee, and they get really into their accents and hand motions. One of the girls is into drama, so she's super fun to watch. And I have no idea if it's cut down on the number of callers, but we have learned to enjoy it when the opportunity presents itself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Not having a landline helps to eliminate these solicitation and marketing calls. I seldom have my cell phone on unless I either am making a call or expecting a specific call.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
PCH is the largest scam on the planet! One time I sent in an entry just for the heck of it. I received a huge windfall--yea, right--all of $2.00.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Catlady1001: The site nomorobo is a joke! I tried it and it failed. I do agree with call blocking, though and use it. My phone company lets me block 25 phone numbers at a time. A scam incoming call is recycled by me by removing one phone number and adding the new scammer phone number. Most of the calls are NOT a real person and NOT someone from India as you claim.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
So they leave some badly-needed money to a church or an organization in their WILL? OK. What are you going to do when they keep on giving money to a church or an organization, and you try to say 'you already left money to them in your will' and they do. not. understand. you. They do. not. hear. you. Their brains have turned into delightful, sweetly scented cotton candy (there, is that better?) and they just keep on giving money away! Money they need. Well, I suppose all those millions of charities don't get by on spare change from under the couch, all the sooner your loved one will be flat broke, living with you, and draining YOUR account dry.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Agingmyself, I like your idea which I've also been considering. I don't know what I'm going to need for my own care and health when I get older and I have no heirs, so I've thought of leaving money to a few causes that interest me. Although I have a healthy portfolio, I can't be certain I won't end up with some health condition that ends up costing 7 figures beyond what insurance and Medicare will pay (which is a possibility in the US).
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I wonder if it would be helpful to some elders to suggest that they leave a nice gift to their church or charities in their will, thus saving their funds to cover their own expenses if needed in the meantime, but still providing the help that they want to do.
They could leave a specified amount or percentage or even all of it, if that's what they want. Maybe then they could answer requests with, "I've made all my charitable arrangements in my will."  It should have the added effect of the callers not wanting to make the donor mad and risk getting cut out altogether.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Jessie, the excessive tithing is uniquely frustrating.

When my mother was alive, her religious offering was her biggest monthly "bill." Along with a hefty monthly tithe, Mom ponied up for every special fund. Maintenance. Heating/cooling. Religious publications sent to military enlistees. Funds for clergy. Ministry for the poor. Altar flowers. Sigh.

And I'm sure you already know this, but don't hold your breath waiting for the church to extend themselves to your mother. That door only swings one way.

It's a sad thing to witness. For us, at least. For what it's worth, my mom was perfectly content with the one-sided involvement. I think it made her feel important.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Try blocking the numbers on your phone, also a website called nomorobo will block most robot calls. These have helped me, but these people are relentless. They usually find a way to get to you. I really hate when they use a local number and a name on caller Id so you think you might know who is calling, you answer and you're speaking to someone in India.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
JoAnn: Unfortunately, while we would like to believe your name and address would be removed from a list if you request it, this does not happen. The National "Do Not Call" registry, phone calls, return to sender=a waste of time!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
From what I read, they should remove u if requested. Here's a site that can help give /for-donors/about-specific-giving-guidance/charity-mailing-list-removal/

Now it mentions no call list, Charities, politicians and people u have previously done business with don't fall under DNC list.

I stopped Mom's junk mail by sending it back in the envelope provided if they r paying postage. If not, then I emailed the company. Look at the mail to see if any differences like: J Miller, J A Miller, Joann Miller instead of Jo Ann Miller.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Lassie: I'm sure the OP doesn't want to hear that (cuss) type of a word. Try to be a little less acrimonious.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
(sigh) Their brains are turning to sh*t. I'm sorry. Their brains are not working properly. It is up to YOU to take over the checkbook if possible, to take the outgoing mail away ('I'll drop it in the post office mailbox on the way home'). It is up to YOU to do something about the stacks of letters coming in - change of address. You can talk and show them things and argue until you are purple-blue in the face, and they will continue to write checks and give away their much needed money to scammers, charities, sweepstakes, begging letters - because their brains are turning to much. Arguing and talking will do squat. This is a real and serious problem. They NEED that money. YOU have to put in a change of address or take charge of the checkbook to save that money. Let them have a fit! It's for their own good. I, myself, could write a book on this subject. It is no joke. There is nothing YOU can do to stop the deluge except take over their mail or checkbook. good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
There is another thing I've run into. My mother belongs to a huge church. She has been going there since the 1950s. My parents always gave what they could afford, but it wasn't a tenth. In the last two or three years my mother wants to give more and more to the church. I want to tell her if she lived 88 years without tithing that God wasn't going to be fooled by a final effort to buy the stairway to heaven. So each month she does do her tithe, but I discourage her from donating more. I feel like such a heathen when I do, but I know she may need it far more than the church does.

I've heard some people have problems with parents sending large amounts of money to TV preachers and even changing their wills to give their money to them. This is heart breaking, since the elders don't even know these preachers, who are usually quite wealthy.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Have you had a heart-to-talk with him about budgeting his finances? Maybe he would agree to limit his giving to a specific affordable and budgeted monthly amount.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I don't believe they can't remove his name. That is nonsense. Same thing happened to my mom. She would get multiple mailings from the same charity and write them multiple checks. Report them. https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-scams/fake-charities

Call your local congressman, write a letter stating you want his name removed. Make some noise, they will get tired of you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Elders, sadly, won't be able to figure things out with more information. It will overwhelm them!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
One can also investigate online all the charities, their high salaries, the small percentages that actually go to the needy.
Show this to your elder.
Sometimes with enough information, they can figure things out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Explain that after retirement, elders should also retire their giving.
Someone who will have their money run out in ten years, has no business giving it away, imo. Not as gifts to children, charities, or even tithing.

Then, if they are telling about how they give to the needy, look up in the bible to explain how they just lost their reward in heaven by bragging.

I agree with taking control by having a P.O. Box, but don't forget that address will be on ALL their correspondence you may need to show them.
Try persuasion if at all possible.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Maybe some people wouldn't want to do this, but sometimes when I've answered calls and found they were asking for donations, I'd get them involved in a long conversation and end by saying "no thanks, I'm not interested". When they asked why I got them into a conversation, I just said "I had a little time to kill and thought it would be fun to waste yours, too" They didn't call again. A variation could be "sure, here's my credit card number: 435 -CLICK-" If they call back to say we accidentally got disconnected, I'd just say "No, I hung up on you". A final one is to let them give their spiel and just answer "I don't care!" When these people pester with their calls, I just pretend that they exist solely for my amusement.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
No matter how any times I put the phone numbers on the do not call list,, they still call. I cut them off and say we can;t afford to donate. They still call...sigh
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I have made the "mistake" of donating to some charities who apparently sold my name to others and so the mail and phone calls began. I made of a list of who I would donate to and any others I would tell them I will look them up on Charity Navigator to see how they are rated before sending any money. Finally, I just started saying "no" and hanging up. As far as the mail is concerned, it helps keep the USPS in business. I trash it. My younger brother was a postman and I do admire the system and want it to continue. If the price for that is junk mail, I can deal with it--just toss it. Now that I am POA for my friend, all his mail comes to me and the same thing happens. With some legitimate charities he had contributed to before his memory started to fail, I will write to them explaining his situation and ask them to save the money it costs to mail things to him because there simply is none to spare at some $7600/month cost for his memory care apartment. Some of them actually stop. My dad got these calls, also. He didn't get hooked as deeply as some do and all the appeals stopped once he could no longer live independently, but that was back in 1999. It's worse now. Changing the address to you is one way to intercept the junk and good causes pleas. The phone appeals are trickier. They sound so nice and friendly and for some live-alones, it is the only friendly voice they hear. Of course you don't want to disappoint them.
Thanks, Rainey69, for the tip about the phone number and PCH.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Midkid58,
With my Mom, it was the Readers Digest! She played that d*mn thing for over 20 years and was just so sure she was going to win. I feel your pain. I tried telling her she had a better chance of getting struck by lightening TWICE, but her answer was, "Well someone has to win, why not me?" However, regarding PCH, I have a tip for you that will solve your problem. I made the mistake of entering online just for fun and what a HUGE mistake!!!! I was inundated with e-mails, crud in the mail, and packages of stuff I never ordered! I just put RTS, I never ordered! So, I had finally had it, I had to do a lot of sluething and finally found an actual phone number for PCH! I called them and demanded they take me off their list PERMANENTLY and it worked!!!!!! I never received another thing. So, there is a way, find that phone number and tell them your Mother is not mentally capable of handling all this and demand they stop sending her stuff. Then, sneak in and get rid of all that PCH stash of stuff and get rid of it! She might freak out at first but she will eventually get over it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I know I posted previously--but re-reading this just made my blood boil. Mother has religiously entered the PCH for over 60 years. Every month. She has saved EVERY piece of paper that came with every envelope..can you imagine? She refused to let me throw away a SINGLE PIECE of the PCH "advertising", as she believed that when she "won" she'd have to prove she'd entered. Boxes and boxes of this crap. I finally went and purchased 10 large plastic bins and stuffed ALL the PCH envelopes and inserts into them. They are stored in the crawlspace of the house. All labeled "PCH--do NOT destroy"..she when she goes, we can simply empty these bins w/o looking through them. She also keeps every single return address label that comes with pleas for money, along with the tacky notepaper and stickers. Just more garbage. I try to turn a blind eye, but it's near impossible.
I know I COULD go behind her back and collect all her catalogs and request they not be sent---but she loves them so much and loves to order junk from them. Luckily, she's pretty stingy about giving actual money away now, but there was a time...so frustrating!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Excellent jacobsonbob! They are thieves and they try to play upon the heartstrings of the elderly! Good for your Dad, my Mom was the sucker of suckers! I even asked her if she felt this would give her extra brownie points when she got to the Pearly Gates, *LAUGHS* I took over and called, e-mailed, etc. telling them she was not longer able to give them anymore and basically bugger off! Now just a few stubborn ones keep sending their pleas in the mail to which I immediately put in the recycle bin! :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter