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It finally took the big crisis, mom had a bad fall, dads dementia was increasing. Mom went from hospital to assisted living and I got Dad in a few days later.
I’m the bad guy now, stuck mom in this “Prison” but that’s ok. They’re safe and cared for.
I’m so glad I got the poa and took over all the finances a couple years ago. I was able to write checks, move money, close accounts, deal with the house and so on.
With booze in the picture, that’s gonna be even rougher. I was prepared to wait until APS got involved advforced them into care. But the bad fall, And dads dementia cratering at the same time was the game changer.
Are legal papers in place (DPOA, etc)? If not, try to get that done as soon as possible!
Mthr refused help, was obnoxious to everyone, and cut me and everyone else out of her life. Adult Protective Services found me 2 states away and asked us to assume care. Done.
What we had to do was wait for a serious medical emergency to happen. Where a parent would go to ER, then into the hospital, then into Rehab, and then into senior living. If only our parents would have listen to us to avoid this part. But we are still the "kids" and what do we know. My parents, mainly my Mother didn't listen, then she had a fall that was fatal. How sad, that could have been avoided. Dad moved to senior living and enjoyed being around people of his own age group.
Then I found out from this website here that I was enabling my parents to continue to live in their home. My folks were in their 90's, both major fall risks. I had to change my lifestyle so that they would continue with theirs.
I also had to learn to say "sorry, I cannot possibly do that" over and over until it sounded natural. But there was a lot of guilt that was thrown back at me whenever I said that. My parents still viewed me as being in my 20's and 30's, instead of being in my 60's.
My Mom refused caregivers the final year prior to her serious fall. Dad was different, he loved having the caregivers who were with him for over a year. They were a godsend for me. I still worried big time, but I knew he wasn't alone and was getting outstanding care.