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It's taken me the past year to recover from a lifetime of mommie dearest and the past few days I'm actually feeling quite good. I now live on 2 acres in the country, just me and my dogs, and it's heaven. It's New Year's eve and I'm looking forward to rebuilding my life in the year ahead.
If your mother needs help she should enter an assisted living facility. Whatever you do DO NOT become her caregiver. You will be stepping into hell and she will destroy you.
My mother got drunk on Christmas eve to the point she couldn't even tell the Life Alert what the problem was. I get a call, had to handle that and almost missed the Christmas eve service I look forward to all year. Now, she's got all these persons showing up at her door making "poor you" comments and it just encourages her to be more self-absorbed. BTW, she is a Borderline Queen/Hermit personality. So, for a whole week it's been "poor her" and why, a zillion years before, she was not treated well-enough as a child so she had to have a drink. Me, only child had the "mommy dearest" childhood and I cannot even speak of it. She asked about my children and I purposely said that one just received the Nobel Prize and the other is a CEO of a company. Complete BS, just to see if she was listening. Obviously not because she said "oh nice" and she should know better - one child is still in school and the other has handicaps. She pumps me for news about anyone that she can compare me to and I said a good friend just got laid off because of the horrible economy right now. I was genuinely concerned for my friend and wanted to pour my heart out a little. In mid-sentence, it was "Oh, someone is at the door" and she's going to hang up. I can't even pour my heart out about anything and yet I listen to her list of woes every week. Constructive suggestions fall on "deaf ears" or "selective ears" or whatever. People there are a welcome distraction for her until she just all of a sudden gets tired of the attention and wants them to all go away. Then, she drinks and says that's because they "make her nervous." There's a Home Care agency that does all the work to make her life wonderful and easy. She preaches things she hears on the tv but does not practice what she preaches. I have to listen to it, deal with it, pour my sweat and blood into it, and I'm terrified that I will have to deal with things like so many of the rest of you when the money runs out and it will. I love life but fear I will do something desperate if I cannot ever validate my feelings, hurts, and be acknowledged by her if I have to take care of her in my home. This is venting. But, I'm shaking and in tears and dread the thought of the next week Tuesday call, or the calls that come randomly and routinely from Life Alert.
Blessings, Bridget
... and the more you share with us, the smaller your problems seem. We circulate, commiserate, collectively vociferate, act up, act out, and even throw a tantrum or two. ... Just when you're beginning to apologize for that "temporary loss of control the other day" someone will come out and say "Been there, done that too." Welcome to the family.
-- ED