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So stressed by the resentment I feel, and the guilt I feel for feeling resentful which makes me more resentful and more guilty, and so on, and so on.
Besides, some of the advice given here just really sucks, given the circumstance of the person writing.
To anyone out there who wants to know, I put myself through medical school and have my own solo practice mostly populated by Medicare patients. I have learn most of what I know of life from them as they have an amazing wealth of knowledge from experience. I am not married. I have no children. My only sibling died a few years ago of unknown cause. Since I am a primary care physician, I do not make a lot of money and have struggled due to low reimbursement from Medicare and insurance companies which causes a great deal of daily stress. I care for both my parents who are elderly with a plethora of medical problems. My father was diagnosed a few years ago with severe PTSD and the Korean War torments him on a daily basis. My relationship was very strained with my mother and I got very depressed a couple of years ago not being able to keep up with everything needed of me. I sought counseling and discovered that my mother is likely suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder which she probably got from a very hard life as a child. That explained a lot of my childhood and my life in general. That also necessitated me to spend the next couple of years in counseling to accept and deal with that aspect of my life. Because I could not still keep up, I, myself was found to have been coping with Attention Deficit Disorder which I silently struggled with all my life not knowing what was wrong and blaming myself for not being like everyone else. Now I am seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist (to follow my medications) and am pulling my life together and hopefully someday will feel peaceful inside. I tend to have the need to help others probably due to something from my not-so-normal life. Currently I am actively helping a friend who is in her 80's who was the victim of a relative that convinced everyone she was unfit, had her committed to a locked facility, took over her home, car, and bank accounts, emptied her investment account, took her ID, and let her in a locked facility with her only belongings being a TV, bed, and a few rags for clothes. I am actively dealing with a lawyer who specializes in elder law, a professional fiduciary, and adult protective services. I was able to get her into an assisted living facility who got her a much reduced rate and have adopted her as their own so she can feel someone cares. I am in my 50's and from early in the morning to late at night I am going. I have no spare time, taxes that I worked on until 1:00 AM last night, and work up with a splitting migraine. I am late to the ICU this morning to see one of my patient's who is scared and very sick and touch-and-go. So as you can see, I do have some experience behind me.
I am sorry I offended you. I thought that what these forums were for was to help other people. The impression that you gave me in your post was exactly as what I wrote about. People are all unique but also in a strange way all the same. I have heard nearly twenty years of so many people's stories inside the four walls of my exam rooms. They really open up to me as they know nothing goes outside those four walls. My job is to sense if something is going on and to help people to open up so that they can get help with what they need. So many times people feel that they just need to "suck it up" and deal with it or that there is no way out. Like I did for so many years.
So anyway, I hope you find what you are looking for. I am sorry that I misjudged you. I am going to retire also from this forum as maybe you are right, it may not be a place for me. I did not post my bio as I guess I just wanted to be a person on this forum and not an "expert." It helped me in that I was able to vent about the topics in general on an equal level but I guess I came off like a know-it-all.
So good bye all! Hope everyone finds what they are looking for.
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