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Now I don't trust sharing anything with her. That's sad.
It also ticks me off that it seems like caregiving gets into the same debate I heard when my kids were babies. The stay at home moms vs. the working moms. Just substitute the word caregiver for the word mom, and it's the same argument back & forth which solves no problems.
My guilt over feeling selfish and asking for what I want came to a head, I had a temper tantrum, broke down and cried so hard I thought I would never stop.
Then I asked for what I wanted. Because one day my dad says "She is 96." What is that suppose to mean? Yes, it is difficult for her. I told him it was difficult for me to. Did he forget I gave up my home, my business, to move in here so I could take care of her? It is not easy for me either.
Now I am asked how I am doing, if I need anything. She gets angry, but I let it alone. Because I do count.
We do count. But not until we say we do. I have to heal my childhood wounds and then I am more readily available. I have learned how to ask for what I want and make sure I get it if it is available.
I am learning how to turn it around for me. How to heal my childhood wounds. This time with my grams has become a blessing despite the pain.
I wish you well on your journey. It is not easy. I do know only one thing, I count when I say I do. But then I have to learn how to make me count.
Between work and parents I leave the house before 8 and do not get back till 7 or later...
When do I get a chance to see my kids?? Or my husband?? Oh wait!! When they come over to my Parents house to visit them or work for them.
*sigh*
I was abandoned, and left to dry, luckily I had an agreement or I might be pushing a shopping cart around missing teeth.
Husband called me and dad had gotten up went into our bedroom, filled a cup I had on dresser and went to sleep in our bed.
Woke him up very confused of course but got him back in his bedroom. That is a new development.
Hang in there sweetie.
I understand your despair, take a deep breath and remember "..it happens".
But my main complaint is: knowing where to start if you've decided that your parent needs to go into a home. I've been on this path for 4 months and normally love to research, but now I hate it, b/c it's all a maze. I could now write and book and, if I had any energy left over, I would. I'm stuck: Mom wants her own place; we're in the process of getting a valid diagnosis (i.e., dementia and related diagnoses) and I've drawn up a POA to allow me to discuss her medical needs, applications for Medicaid, etc., but NO ONE can tell me which facilities in my area accept Medicaid. Mom has NO assets (unless you count her 15-yr-old car). She gets approx $900 in SS each month and that's IT! I don't know about other states, but just getting a list of facilities that are not strictly PRIVATE PAY is next to impossible. You're already in a crazy-making, exhausted, frustrated and confused state of mind and you assume SOMEONE will guide you, but you're passed from one Agency to another. Our saving grace has been the local Alzheimer's Assn and a neurologist who knows how the system works.
As far as Mom's "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!" mindset, join the crowd. I URGE all of you to find other caregivers on this site who've posted about their parent (usually moms!) who fit the Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis. It explains a lot and you learn to just lower your expectations, nod and say "uh-huh" and "OK" and move on to the next subject. Blessings to you all!
The constant reminder of my own mortality, and worse, that this could be me in 20 years. The terrible fear that I might be forgetful, stubborn, dirty, deaf and so annoying that my children will dread being around me, and will feel about me like I feel about my mother!