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I understand your despair, take a deep breath and remember "..it happens".
Hang in there sweetie.
Husband called me and dad had gotten up went into our bedroom, filled a cup I had on dresser and went to sleep in our bed.
Woke him up very confused of course but got him back in his bedroom. That is a new development.
I was abandoned, and left to dry, luckily I had an agreement or I might be pushing a shopping cart around missing teeth.
*sigh*
Between work and parents I leave the house before 8 and do not get back till 7 or later...
When do I get a chance to see my kids?? Or my husband?? Oh wait!! When they come over to my Parents house to visit them or work for them.
My guilt over feeling selfish and asking for what I want came to a head, I had a temper tantrum, broke down and cried so hard I thought I would never stop.
Then I asked for what I wanted. Because one day my dad says "She is 96." What is that suppose to mean? Yes, it is difficult for her. I told him it was difficult for me to. Did he forget I gave up my home, my business, to move in here so I could take care of her? It is not easy for me either.
Now I am asked how I am doing, if I need anything. She gets angry, but I let it alone. Because I do count.
We do count. But not until we say we do. I have to heal my childhood wounds and then I am more readily available. I have learned how to ask for what I want and make sure I get it if it is available.
I am learning how to turn it around for me. How to heal my childhood wounds. This time with my grams has become a blessing despite the pain.
I wish you well on your journey. It is not easy. I do know only one thing, I count when I say I do. But then I have to learn how to make me count.
It also ticks me off that it seems like caregiving gets into the same debate I heard when my kids were babies. The stay at home moms vs. the working moms. Just substitute the word caregiver for the word mom, and it's the same argument back & forth which solves no problems.
Now I don't trust sharing anything with her. That's sad.
And even if I could afford one, when would I go? How could I justify leaving him alone to go out for a ride? What if something happened while I was gone? It's worse than having a baby. Home care is expensive, day care is expensive, he had no long term insurance, how do people do it without losing their mind?
I am getting out tomorrow, though. My daughter is coming to stay with him while I go to the March against Monsanto in Denver. I'll be home in time to take her to work. It will be nice to get out of the house and just talk to people.