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Now, after 5 yrs of being only caregiver for my wife, been asking same question. I was anal for years saving and investing for a fun retirement, 30 days in, her stroke.
Probably use the fun retirement money for her care of some sort, and and just wonder would it 'would have' been like until checkout time.
1.Decisions must be made early and done legally.
2.The idea that a big heart attack or stroke will come and end it is so not true. What it does is make you more infirm and reliant upon others.
3.Make sure your whole family have copies of your legal paperwork.
4.Make your lawyer in charge of following your will, not kids.
5.Charge your lawyer with dispensing of your estate and that person will be the one to distribute or sell to kids per your will.
6.If you think you will end your own life with pills or starvation when you are old and senile - you won’t. You will be old and senile and have no clue.
7.Make a living will so that others will be required to abide by it and decide when you will go into hospice care - you might refer to a mental state as well as a physical state. State do not force feed and medicate only for pain. Be specific.
8.Make your friends aware of your decisions.
9.Live like you will die tomorrow - spend your money, take risks, stay on meds that keep you from becoming disabled, do the things you want to do and don’t listen to those who say you can’t because it is not safe!!!! Live simply and joyfully. Let everyone know how you feel about life and death.
10. Be aware of legislation in your state https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
i bought long term insurance a longtime ago and hope i can continue to pay for it.
if not … 🤷♀️
I live independently alone without local relatives, so the nearest ones are 1,200 miles from me willing to help in my older years. Perhaps I will go to a facility in CA or elsewhere. Because I live on just Social Security, bank savings and some measly IRA’s, I will eventually have to go on Medicaid for long term care. I have POA with family in TX and OR and I am now only age 69.
My two oldest kids are not interested/suitable for POA or health care proxy. Their brother said he would be, but rarely communicates with me and has a wife who he will do anything for. She tried to set me up as a revolving bank account for her and has told me she can't be trusted with money. I have seen that, so I don't want him to be POA unless he is joint with someone else. My sig other, though younger than me, has more health problems than I have. He could do it if he is healthy but...
I may have to pay someone to be POA and health care proxy.
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
I forget to think of myself and my needs.
I'm hoping to have a heart attack before that time comes. I have talked with my only son, who is currently incarcerated, and told him, put me in a nursing home.
I don't have much money, so I would likely be on medicaid/medicare. I worry more about being here for him when he is released, as I am the only family and home he will have. I'm hoping god will spare me until my husband passes, and my son returns home so I can help him to become stable before I am gone.
There is one more thing - although I expect I will be fine in a nursing home, I told my son to check on my welfare frequently, even put cameras in the room, to ensure I am not being abused or neglected. It is unfortunate how often that happens in poorly run care homes. We should do everything possible to ensure the comfort and safety of our most vulnerable population!
I have also created a binder with all kinds of information: legal, financial, passwords, health care providers, personal preferences (e.g. food, music, toiletries).
Everyone who knows me knows I do not want to end up in long-term-care, whether assisted living or a nursing home. Truly, I would rather be "dead" (departed from this existence). If I had access to drugs that could end my life, I would stock up on them, but I am not in those kinds of social circles.
I saw how my parents were "cared for" in a "high end" assisted living and skilled nursing community. I believe the most accurate description of the "care" is "institutionalized neglect." I see it again with a cousin (with early to mid-stage AD) effectively imprisoned in another "high end" assisted living community. As another child of a resident who saw the same thing put it, most of these "high end" places offer nothing more than "lipstick on a pig."
I haven't definitively figured out how I am going to end my life if the need arises and I have my wits about me. But I am working on it. :-|
I sincerely hope to be deceased before I need total "care" in today's profit-driven world. However, if that doesn't happen and I can no longer care for myself, I would enter a facility (even recognizing their many likely shortcomings) before burdening our family with hands-on care.
However, I want to caution anyone who is seriously considering this about the way they decide to go about it.
Firstly, research has shown that there is a statistical higher chance of children, grandchildren and siblings (depending on respective ages at the time) of a suicide victim also committing suicide. It is especially more likely if the death occurs in a particularly traumatic manner.
Secondly, unless the person is very frail, overdoses and other chemical methods of suicide can result in severe health issues rather than death, such as ”locked in syndrome”, which to me sounds like a living hell. An exit strategy should be meticulously planned, which is why people who have the option go to places like Dignitas.
Lastly, consider who might find you and how doing so would affect them.
Anyone who is serious about this, especially if they feel that their main reason for needing an exit strategy is to save their loved ones the heartache and trauma of watching them slowly deteriorate, please think about the horror of the last image someone could be left with if you die by violent means.
It might be over for you, but not for them.
Digitalis is made from foxglove, and what I just described is the dignitas cocktail. The problem with them is that they’re in Switzerland, and I prefer to take my time working up to it.
To some extent we are washing our hands of the 2nd one - We can only do so much because we aren't nearby; Luckily a kind neighbor and friend keeps an eye on her and is her healthcare proxy. Good luck to her.
So - Plan ahead. Sure, maybe you won't get dementia and you'll die quickly from a heart attack, but guess what? That's not how it usually goes. So plan for the worst case: No spouse, alone, incapacitated mentally and/or physically. Who do you trust to make to make the tough decisions? You may have to pay someone(s) (It IS a big responsibility). Set things up legally - Protect these people from any relatives who might have other ideas. Maybe a pastor, maybe an eldercare attorney or consultant. There are options - Find them. This field will get bigger in the near future as there or more and more of us. Just don't pretend it won't happen, and end up e.g. having some disinterested nephew calling the shots; i.e. Take whatever control you can.