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People always call me insensitive when I say this but I never understood why our system forces families and those living with things like dementia to prolong what will 100% be a miserable life for someone or everyone.
People are quick to say think about the person with dementia but that conversation always ignores the caregiver. So yeah no way am I going leave my husband to make that choice. If something were to happen to me where I have the potential to become a burden I am done and will remove that choice from him.
I've thought about offing myself after a grim dx, but I'm pretty sure I'd chicken out a hundred times. So I'll pay for a facility. My family knows I do not want any of them trying to deal with me at home.
High blood pressure leads to lower levels of oxygen in the blood and narrowed arteries, which can lead to other health issues, including brain damage and dementia.
High blood pressure can lead to blood clots, which could cause a stroke. This in turn can lead to immediate cognitive decline and dementia.
Believe me, living with these conditions (which you could do for many years) would entail a reduced quality of life, with no capacity to make any worthwhile changes on your part. You would have to endure your condition and your lack of opportunity to make a better life.
No plans, just day by day till it's my time. Nothing wrong with that, I've worked very hard for 40+ years and devoted myself to caring for my parents. For myself, it's time not to worry about what comes next. Just stay healthy and not get injured.
As is likely true for most low- and moderate-income elders, the cost of a continuing care community is out of reach for us. That is the case even with the long-term care insurance that we purchased 25 years ago--for which the premiums now cost what was once a significant down payment on a house. We did our best to plan and provide for our old age but never dreamed that we would live as long as we have. The possibility of outliving our resources is a MAJOR concern.
In order to conserve our resources, we need to stay in our current residence as long as it is at all manageable. We moved to a single-level manufactured home in a 55+ community 11 years ago. The rent is less than we would pay in our area for market rate housing and MUCH less than the cost of a care facility even when utilities, maintenance and upkeep are factored in.
I've stated many times that we do NOT intend to become a care albatross to our adult children, who are now at or near retirement age. They have earned their freedom in retirement. We sincerely hope to leave our home feet first but understand that may not happen. Independence is important to us, but we realize that it has its limits. We hope to make our Final Exits before we lose all our capabilities--with luck, that should occur in the not-too-distant future.
We love our large acreage and rural home in a desirable area. Some of our friends will struggle to retire. (we’re all 60ish) So we’ve been discussing a commune. Renting bedrooms or having friends park tiny homes, tying in to our wells, etc. We could pitch in to hire a cook, cleaner and maintenance help. Obviously that would require a seriously detailed agreement (and very judicious choices) as our needs change. But we see it an option as long as our health holds up and we can drive. We are already simplifying the upkeep and sorting stuff. Plus we have retirement savings.
Having said all of that, I have a fatal allergy so I’ve got an easy out if I need it. I’ll have one of those compartment rings made like secret agents wear in the movies.
1.Decisions must be made early and done legally.
2.The idea that a big heart attack or stroke will come and end it is so not true. What it does is make you more infirm and reliant upon others.
3.Make sure your whole family have copies of your legal paperwork.
4.Make your lawyer in charge of following your will, not kids.
5.Charge your lawyer with dispensing of your estate and that person will be the one to distribute or sell to kids per your will.
6.If you think you will end your own life with pills or starvation when you are old and senile - you won’t. You will be old and senile and have no clue.
7.Make a living will so that others will be required to abide by it and decide when you will go into hospice care - you might refer to a mental state as well as a physical state. State do not force feed and medicate only for pain. Be specific.
8.Make your friends aware of your decisions.
9.Live like you will die tomorrow - spend your money, take risks, stay on meds that keep you from becoming disabled, do the things you want to do and don’t listen to those who say you can’t because it is not safe!!!! Live simply and joyfully. Let everyone know how you feel about life and death.
10. Be aware of legislation in your state https://deathwithdignity.org/states/
They have told me (unsolicited) that they will build me a small home on their land and will hire in-home help when and if it's needed.
They have no plans to be daily 24/7 caregivers, but will have me close enough to oversee my care.
I'm fine with going into a facility if necessary but they are adamant that they are not going that route. It's their decision.
However. So far at 65 I am as healthy as I have never been and work very hard at staying strong mentally and physically. (It's been a challenge as a 24/7 caregiver.). I owe it to my children to remain as capable as possible for as long as possible.