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You are doing a wonderful job! God Bless You and your Father!!!
If she contacts social services you will gladly welcome them in there and when they find the accusations unfounded your lawyer will see her in court and sue her @ss of.
I have the neighbours from Hell and the only way to get along with them is to be frim and let them know I will not tolerate their crap. Now there is no problem between us.
Stand up to her and then be done with her. People like this love the drama so don't give her any.
Talk to your father's GP if you feel that you need an expert to back you up, I'd ring the local police station and report that I am having issues with my neighbour, who is making demands on how I care for my father, just let them know, this is a case of getting in first, so that when/if she does try to escalate things, people are aware of her actions.
She sounds a bit dangerous to just walk into your house. Does she have any family? Sounds like she isnt handling retirement well and is used to being a bossy care aid. Maybe tell her about volunteer opportunities at local nursing homes.
Dont hesitate to keep doors locked and lights off and not answer door.
Are you sure the nosey neighbor just doesn't need the money and trying to get you to hire her?
If tgat'a not the case, let her know that she is not allowed to cone in to the home without being invited and it's upsetting to both you and your father and if she ever does it again, ya'll can't be friends any longer and she will no longer be welcomed in your home.
Just in case she decides to do something like turn you in to Adult Protective Services, just send a certified letter stating everything above and be sure to keep a copy.
First, I would put up a 2 signs, both in BIG BOLD LETTERS; 1 sign visible before she can step onto your property and another somewhere by the front entry so she can see it before she enters the house:
NO TRESPASSING
FAMILY MEMBERS ONLY
The signage is to put ANYONE on notice. If she chooses to ignore it, legally she is trespassing, and you can call the police. Just say: "excuse me, there is no trespassing signage and you are trespassing. I will now be calling the police". When they do arrive, tell them that the neighbor continually is trespassing upon your property and into your home, she is not invited nor welcomed, she has been informed of such, and she continues to trespass.
Second, I wouldn't engage in ANY conversation with her whatsoever. If she says something to you, do not respond or engage. Just ignore her. If she slings mean things your way, do not respond or engage. She must be a very lonely angry unhappy individual to be doing these things.
Personally, I find it EXTREMELY rude for someone to enter someone else's home uninvited and start making themselves at home by making a cup of coffee.
From the sounds of it, it seems as if you have everything in order for your dad. Make sure you have all the things he needs for his age and condition (grab bars in bathroom, no rugs where he could trip and fall, subscribe to and have a Medical Alert button on him so in case something happens when you are not present (taking a shower, running up to the store, etc), he has a way to notify someone if he needs help, healthy groceries, so forth and so on). I do agree that it might help to have him professionally assessed - that way you can see where you might need to tweak things or issues you might come up against- these are services that you contact, you pay, they perform the assessment, and the results stay with you.
Do not let this neighbor bully you with fear and intimidation - which is what she is doing. Shame on her.
As for the neighbor, to answer some of your questions, I believe she is in her early 60s, she is not angling for a job, she's said several times she's glad to be retired, she's just nosy and thinks she knows everything, she has family, grandchildren, friends, and is active in her church, though some of these visits and activities have been impacted by COVID. As far as I know, she hates the people who live directly next door to her, and got them in trouble with the city because of their messy yard, beyond this, again as far as I know, I don't know of anyone else in the neighborhood she bothers or visits.
May I offer a suggestion? Have another person present, someone who is neutral in terms of siding with either of you.
Or video and audio record the "meeting". That way you have proof. Otherwise, it's just down to "Dad said/she said" and "I listened", which can't be documented but could be refuted.
Good luck with the "come to reality" meeting.
Thank you for your update.
Years ago I discovered a good book; if I remember correctly (w/o digging into my book library), it was this one:
https://books.google.com/books/about/Coping_with_Difficult_People.html?id=DNaiLbycVm0C&source=kp_cover
There's another good book on a similar topic, written by a woman psychologist (I think), but I'll have to check my "library" to get her name. It was also interesting, providing insights into why some people attempt to dominate others. Unfortunately, I don't remember any of those wise insights!
Congratulate yourself and your father on taking these strong steps. I don't mean to squelch your enthusiasm, but this woman is not going to stop. There's a battle to be fought (in her opinion) and she intends to win. Unfortunately, stronger measures will be required.
One good suggestion I do remember, from the first author as well as my sister, who was a psychiatric nurse and dealt with a lot of challenging patients and people, is "DON'T ENGAGE a control freak." Over the years, I've learned how insightful this is.
Practice another response, as I'm sure this human Jaws is preparing for another attack. Something simple, like "the issue's not open to discussion. Leave, NOW." But you also have to stop her from coming into the house. This is SO arrogant, aggressive, manipulative, controlling and offensive.
You might even throw her words back in her face. She said "everyone needs help"; respond with something like, "Yes, and you're no exception. When ARE you going to get help for your aggressive meddling in our lives?"
The change of topic to weeds to me reflects that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation about her own behavior. It was a deliberate shift, while refusing to address legitimate concerns and babbling on about weeds. I think you got to her on some level, and she shifted gears to avoid responding.
Something else you can do, if she pushes her way inside again, is to turn on your phone (if it's a cell) or walk to the landline phone, turn away so she can't see you NOT dialing, and pretend you're calling the police, stating that there's a woman who entered your house w/o your permission, and is threatening you and your father. State her name, where she lives, and ask for help.
I think that might shake her up. If she raises the issue the next time she invades, you can tell her that the police were on their way when you called back to let them know you had left the house.
This woman's behavior could very well turn into violence. The aggression it takes to laugh in someone's face, divert, ignore and place blame are HUGE, WAVING RED FLAGS.
I would do an injunction of harassment to put a complete and total stop to this woman. She is obviously mentally ill and poses a real threat to Kayla and her dad's well being and security in their own home.
Probably not dangerous, but I would call the local police and talk to the non-emergency folks about how she is harrassing you and dad.
Next time she "barges" in, don't engage. Call 911 and report trespassing. While she is there, in her hearing.
If she does it again, call 911 and report an intruder.
ITRR, I think the best injunctive relief would be preventative, as you suggest. If the local county issues PPOs, that would work, if the judge agrees to the conditions the OP and her father want and doesn't diminish the protection.
The best part of a PPO is that it has injunctive capacity but the requesting parties don't need to actually appear before a judge in a hearing, as a TRO used to (and probably still does) require.
It acted as a restraining order when we got one, several years ago. The individual was prohibited from any type of contact, electronic, personal, letters, phone or other means, and from being w/I a certain distance radius from the home.
We got one, worked out the details with the attorney who staffed the PPO office, and who took it to the judge, who then changed some of the conditions. Still, we were sufficiently.
Thanks to both of you for pointing out the issues you addressed.
And thanks for raising my consciousness to another issue, that of someone who was (and still may be) a man friend of one of my father's neighbors. He claims to have dated her for 5 years, and he wanted Dad's house to rehab for his GF's daughter and kids.
He rushed over one day after I had been working for several hours with one of my contractors, taking down a garden storage shed and disposing of all the contents.
It was a hot day, I was tired, ready to go home, when this guy came running over, went to my father's shed and tried to open the door. Then he did the same at the front door. I always keep ALL the doors locked, so he couldn't get in. But it didn't stop him from trying.
Then he initiated a conversation, stating he wanted to buy the house (inside sight unseen) for the daughter and 3 grandkids of his alleged GF, whom he claimed to have been dating for 5 years. (He did have access to her house, ran over and brought back a bottle of water to help me cool down.)
That's not unusual; others have claimed interest in buying, again, sight unseen. (I think the lake access was a factor in their enthusiasm.) I refused to allow him to see the house. He really tried to "butter me up" but I got tired of it and cut the conversation short.
It never occurred to me that he was anything but pushy and aggressive. Now I wonder.
Red flags went up!
We had a man in an RV who kept appearing in the neighborhood, with the ruse he was a friend visiting a neighbor lady, and he was a former police officer. He insisted on showing me his ID.
He forgot that he already tried that when he was down the block claiming to live there, walking those neighbor's dogs.
No idea why he kept approaching me.
You could try contacting the leadership of her place of worship.
Maybe they will come and make a home visit.
I realize that the house is Dads but you have lived there for a while and as such its your home. You are the one who cares for Dad, makes the meals, cleans the house, etc. Its as much ur house as Dads and I bet he sees it that way too. This woman has no idea if ur on the deed or not. So, start acting like its your house. I think you have been looking at it as Dads house so you back off.
Keep those doors locked. I lock my storm door and keep the wood one open.
I found the book, but it's a bit different from what I remember; however, it definitely is a self-assessment and self-help book. I skimmed through some of the initial portions and found multiple underlined, yellow highlighting and comments, and remember that for sure it's the book to which I referred.
It's "Smart Cookies Don't Crumble", by Sonya Friedman. Despite the cutesy title, it's very realistic, addressing a lot of issues that women face, that keep us from moving forward, how to say "no", create a second chance, how to change in the face of adversity (and people) and more. She also addresses the "traps" that constrain us.
It was copyrighted in 1985, so it's an old book, and it does address women's issues at that time, including the women's revolution and how that affected women, and men.
I read a current review which isn't very flattering, and I won't deny that glitzy titles and suggestions are used, but I recall finding the basic message worthwhile.
It's still available though. Let me know what you think of it. I think I'll read it again just to remind myself what's possible.
Are you still afraid crazy nosy neighbor might report you to APS?
You must still be very stressed and worried.
A friend told me that if a person makes a report to APS, that they also come under scrutiny, and are investigated.
There was a suggestion that you have your father get a needs assessment.
You can get the report in writing, ask the social worker to talk to the neighbor?
This situation may require multiple approaches, some of which may work.
But if it were me, I would be out watering the lawn next time she comes over, with the doors all locked. It was an accident, but I was once talking with a bully neighbor, and accidentally turned the hose on him. He got wet, spread rumors all over the neighborhood that I squirted him. Lol. He never came over to talk at me again.
It worked so well, I thought of installing sprinklers that could be activated from inside the house, or motion activated sprinklers. But he moved.
That cake makes me hungry.
I’m sure you would prefer not to go this route, and for her instead to just go away, but judging by her reaction when you both told her to go away, I’d say that she won’t get the message.
Restraining orders make things crystal clear.
Now a lot is very clear -- she's going to evangelize you.
As you already know, you need to cut all contact with her. No acknowledgement of her in any way, including if she's speaking. Call the police every time she sets foot on your property. Document, document, document everything with dates, times, and her actions, including what she's already done.
I was recently rear-ended by a "Christian" woman who was texting, then handed me a card inviting me to her church rather than her insurance information. She was abusive, angry, and blamed me for not being Christian and forgiving of someone who accidentally ran into me -- in a line to get gas! -- everything a Christian shouldn't do. It took me 24 hours and a threat to call the police for hit and run for her to cough up her insurance information. She was the worst person I've ever dealt with.
So, you've got one of those. Call the police, because types like this do fear getting busted more than they love their evangelizing.