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Make it about what is best for grandma, not you. Be cooperative not confrontational. Stay calm, cool and collected.
Will he have a witness to back up his allegations that you made a threat? Do you have a witness to counter what happened? I'd be concerned that someone from the AL home will be there to testify regarding what you said.
Otherwise, focus 100% on the information that shows that the POE contains fraudulent information. Judges hate forgery. Especially forgery on a court document. If s/he agrees with you, then you will have the credibility to press the issue that you have reason to believe that your cousin is 'financially exploiting' Grandma.
Most people in court without an attorney let their emotions get away from them and start off on a tangent. Assume that you will only have 2 minutes to present your case. Write down and practice what you want to say in 2 minutes. S/he doesn't care about the back story. The judge may give you more time, but don't count on it. But if he/she does give you more time, use the next 2 minutes to present the most important information. And if the judge asks you a question, give a short answer with the most important information. Hopefully this will prompt the judge to ask for more information.
Wear business-like clothing. Think 'church clothes.' Arrive 30-60 minutes early and observe. Prepare copies of any documents that you want the court to consider so that you can give them to the judge. Organize and label your paperwork so that you aren't flipping through things.
If you put Without A Paddle into the search bar, you will see her posts.
I know of several folks who lost their lives in Sandy because they wouldn't evacuate. And several more who put both first responders and loved ones in mortal danger because they wouldn't evaucaute.
I wouldn't tout that as evidence of her sanity or good sense.
If you must appear Monday, do so, but tell the court that you need time to seek legal representation for your grandmother and the funds to do so.
You also are at odds over where grandma lives. She wants to be at home. Lots of elders want that. It's not always feasible. You also say that she's had dementia, including paranoia for a long time.
You state in first post that she's in an admittedly wonderful place. Now it's a hellhole. And that she's not getting treatment for her condition.
What treatment would you like her to be getting? Will she get that more easily at home?
As Glad says, try to look dispassionately at what grandma needs, not necessarily what she wants, which given her condition, may vary widely from day to day.
Withoutapaddle, I do honestly think it will go down better with the court if you show at least some awareness that at this hearing on Monday you will be the one defending yourself against a serious accusation. It has been alleged that you made threats, armed with a weapon. This is not a context in which any counter-allegations you make are going to have any credibility. You would do better to think about how you are going to refute, or at least explain, the account being given of your actions.
Look, most demented elders want to "go home". It is either simply not affordable for them to have 24/7 in-home care, or it's just not enough care for them. In home care givers aren't nurses.
I always compare what my very wealthy and willful Aunt and Uncle had (24/7 "aides" -- folks doing their bidding) vs. what my mom had--middling grade NH care; professionals around the clock and specialist doctors at the ready when something untoward occurred. My mom got MUCH better care on every objective measure.
Hmmmm. So he gets an order of protection, barring YOU from seeing GMA.
Sounds very much like a family squabble to the court.
You mention that it would have to be " her caregiver, or guardian" who filed for an order of protection. Does GMA have a guardian? You mentioned in a previous post that you were going to file for guardianship. Did you? If you have filed for guardianship, it's important to document that at this hearing. Getting guardianship is going to cost several thousand dollars.
How did you make requests for funds to be released for home modification? To GMA? Or to cousin?
If you were overheard at NH asking for GMA to release monies, that might be misinterpreted as extortion by someone who doesn't know it's gma's home, not yours, being modified.
Is it possible that GMA complains about you to cousin?
Have you told GMA you suspect cousin is stealing her money?
Have you talked to Gma's lawyer about any of this?
Do you pay rent to Gma?
I'm not trying to argue with you. I don't need you to answer. I'm just bringing up points that may be raised in court.
SO we entered court and the judge interrupted me stating Adult Protective Services is postponing the case. Apparently I got to the right people. I am starting Guardianship as of tomorrow, the DA has started an investigation and things are rolling along.
I am subject to A LOT of harassment at this point, but I look at it as a victory cheer :)
Right now it seems we went from nothing, to 100 things in the air... I will update when some start o land.
Barbara TY for hugs and wishes, they help!
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