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the indiana appeals court sided with the mother . they ruled that not everyone has the same standards of housekeeping .
if MIL wants to scratch her *ss and sniff her fingers , chances are it isnt going to kill everyone in a ten mile radius .
As a temporary measure, would it be possible to create a mini-kitchenette in her room? Small fridge on the bottom with a small microwave and some cabinet space above, stocked with individual serving drinks and foods and maybe good quality plastic ware?
I agree needs assessment and AL placement is probably appropriate.
Close your kitchen to everyone, and you do the serving food.
Put up signs: "Wash your hands!".
Do this until you can find a place for her to live.
Maybe his mother has always been like this and he sees nothing wrong with it, or her. But, maybe she hasn’t and she’s suffering from dementia. In which case, it will only get worse. And, at some point, you could wind up being her sole caregiver; bathing her, toileting her, feeding her, supervising her. Sons are not known for their enthusiasm for doing those things.
The longer you tolerate this, the more convinced your husband (and his mother) will think you’re “ok” with it. Speak up now and tell him you need to work together to find her other living arrangements.
There is nothing that can be said to her that will make her change, she is mentally ill.
Whether she stays or leaves is up to you, give her notice and start looking for a home for her.
First let me say that at her age with her health history she needs more than cameras watching over her. Call Council on Aging and allow them to do an assessment. She will receive help bathing, light cooking, tidying up her room, companionship and sitting with her for four hour shifts usually for a couple of times a month. Not a lot but better than nothing.
I would look into placing her into a facility. Speak to a social worker to help you.
I suppose you could post one of those cute signs with bathroom rules up.
She may appear to be able to care for herself but may be too weak to get things out, dish them up, place containers back, so she is managing the best way that she can.
Buy her a backscratcher and any other senior aids to help her. There are many catalogs for this online.
I wish you well and let us know how you are doing. Vent anytime! Hugs!