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In the meantime, when you interact with your husband, try “singing” your answers to him! It will put a lilt in your voice that erases any hard edges and it can be fun!
Lets face it, attitude is everything and in anything you do, so be your own Pollyanna. See the bright side and have a laugh now and again.
You‘ll soon see that smiles are contagious and the whole room will respond favorably. (You will too!)
Goid luck,
charlotte
Are you feeling tired, put out, angry or stressed? If so, then is probably comes out when you interact with your spouse. If this is so, get extra help from others so the burden isn't always on you. Take time to do things you enjoy and that give life meaning. Try to include your spouse in doing things together - within his limitations. If you feel frustrated or angry, talking to others in a support group format helps... like this one
Next - is your spouse feeling frustrated by lack of ability?
He could be the one angry and put out with the confines of his disease... and he is projecting his feelings onto you. Talk to his doctor about what you are experiencing. Maybe your spouse has depression and would benefit from medication or talk therapy.
Personally, I 'snap' and release my stress more when I am multi-tasking too much. If I am doing something for work and then my child ask for something, I sorta unconsciously 'huff.' Being fully present with each task helps me keep stress away.
If you have multiple responsibilities, could you 'schedule' helping your husband? So, every 30 minutes you ask what he needs instead of him being forced to interrupt you and ask for something. Then, he'd get a need met when you are able to be more patient.
Does your spouse expect you to be dancing with joy all the time while taking care of his every need? While watching him wither away on a daily basis? He's asking an awful lot of you, if that's the case, let's face it. This disease robs EVERYONE of their lives, not just the person who's suffering from it. YOU are a victim of ALS the same way my good friend was a victim.
Take time out for yourself; get away from the scene as much as possible and tend to YOUR needs so that you don't get sick. Right now, unfortunately, you can't get out and have lunch with friends or go shopping, but you can immerse yourself in book and put earplugs in your ears while you take a long, hot bath.
You're doing the best you can under very stressful conditions, I'm sure. Try to put a smile on your face and in your voice when you interact with your spouse, and leave it at that. You ARE angry about this situation, as your spouse is, and I'm not sure there is an 'answer' for it. Nobody should have to suffer like this, it's unfair and it flat out sucks. Maybe if you both have a chat about the reality of the situation, you can both agree that you're on the same side here and doing your best in a tough situation.
Sending you a hug and wishing you good luck & Godspeed moving forward
He's mad that he can't do for himself and may feel like he's a burden. And as much as we love someone, having to do everything for them 24/7 will wear us out!
It's not he's mad at your reaction of what he needs done, so much as he's mad at your having to do them.
Of course I don't know them, but there are people who sound angry even when they aren't--I've known a couple older women who were like this, having voices that made them sound "crabby". One of them had a dry sense of humor, and anybody watching her would think she was a horrible person--until she broke out in a big grin after saying something! (Sometimes those of us who knew here well started laughing even BEFORE she grinned!)
However, I suspect this caretaker is frustrated, and to some extent it comes out in her voice. I know I sound horrible at times!
Give him a hug and ask that he be patent with you. You are a layman here. You also, need sometime to yourself. There will come a time when he will need more care than you can give. Its hard being at the beck and call of someone. Just as you finally get to sit down, they need something. Not all of us are Caregivers.
I would look into Medicaid now to see what ur options are. You will be the Community spouse and as such will not be made impoverished. Your assets will be split and his portion spent down before Medicaid will pay. U can remain in the home and have a car. You need to get ur ducks in a row. Have DH assign u POA if he hasn't. Being his wife is not always enough. Have a will even if its just what urs in mine. DNR in place. His medical POA should read like a living will.