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I love your answer!
I did the same thing with my mom. I made statements rather than asking questions.
We don’t need to ask for their permission or if they want to take a bath. Bathing is a normal part of everyone’s personal hygiene routine.
I don’t see any reason why we should give a person who has dementia an opportunity to say no.
We don’t need to burden them with making all of their decisions when we know that it’s in their best interests to be clean.
Yes, nothing like a nice warm cozy towel.
She is mobile, and only cooperates for one caregiver when any sort of hygiene is approached, or even just changing a shirt.
Thankfully, that person works 2 shifts a week.
The rest of us feel badly, but it is not worth the catastrophic behavior and a possible heart attack ( hers or ours ) 🥴to try to clean her.
And the fact that she's not wanting to shower leads me to believe that she has some type of dementia going on as well, as that is very common with folks suffering from dementia.
You may want to try not asking her but TELLING her it's time to go take a shower, and you may have to even help her get in and out and help wash her up as I had to do with my late husband.
Or you can hire aides(with moms money)that will come out specifically to bathe or give your mom a shower.
You can also use the extra large body wipes to clean her body in between showers and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps to wash her hair. Both work great and can be ordered on either Amazon or Walmart.com.
Is your mother in the throes of dementia, and if so, what stage?
Why does your mother say she doesn't wish to get into the shower.
Are you able to assist her with bathing otherwise?
Is the shower safe for her?
Does she feel safe in the shower?
Is it a walk in shower or a tub shower?
The first thing that comes to mind is she is afraid that she is going to fall.
Provide a shower bench with a back or a chair.
Make sure there are secure grab bars.
If it is a shower with a sliding door remove it. The towel bars are often used as a grab bar and they are not sturdy. Put a shower curtain up and replace the towel bars with grab bars.
If she has dementia (diagnosed or not) there are a LOT of steps to "take a shower"
You have to undress, turn on the water, adjust the water, get in, get wet, get the shampoo....and on and on. It can be to much. Think about it the next time you take a shower count each step that you do.
I was also told by a PT that the head and torso are "vulnerable" areas and some people with dementia do not like being hit in the face, chest, head with water.
The bathroom is also a loud place with the water going, the fan going so there is a lot of stimulation.
AND last but not least....
It might be time that YOU step in and monitor all bathroom activities.
Is she toileting properly?
is she washing her hands?
is she brushing her teeth?
It is not just the shower that has to be monitored.
Do not stress about daily showers. 2 or 3 times a week is fine if she is cleaning properly after toileting.
And you can hire a caregiver for the shower days. That might make it easier on you as well as mom.
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