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She doesn't want someone coming in to help so your father can go out?
Too bad. Paid help will be coming in.
The correct way to respond to her refusal of help is to just proceed with bringing the paid help in. The first few times they are at the house you or your father should stay for their shift. This way your mother can get familiar with the person. Then your father can start going out. He should wait until the caregiver arrives before leaving though. Tell the caregiver not to tolerate any mouthy or belligerent behavior from your mother. If she acts up and lashes out at the caregiver, they need to tell her that they are there because her doctor and family sent them to help her out. Your father should not tolerate her lashing out at him either.
If you have adult daycare in the area, your father should have her going a few days a week whether she wants to or not. Most of them even provide transportation to and from home.
An adult with dementia has to be considered like a child. We do not allow children to be in charge. We make them eat their veggies, take a bath, change their clothes, go to school, and go to bed. You have to do the same with an adult that has dementia.
? When we were looking at Al for dad... He was able to stay at home alone cause as sepsis resolved his cognition got better.
Al tour guide told us at times she was embarrassed that the lo treated her so well but treated family members like dirt. Can u test that out with a stranger to see how she would act after action is taken?
And the human service profession learn that as anger is just an
Emotion. They don't need to fear it's just an emotion they r more likely to observe it to and speculate what is causing it..
Hope u and ur father can get less infected by her anger or so she can't control u.
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Dad is likely still in the denial stage.
Just returned home from 5 hrs with my Mom. 2 hrs up & back..
Same except my Dad passed in January. And my Mom has been mentally ill for decades.
We pulled my Dad out for last few mos of his life w/24-7 Caregivers. Better for him to pass in peace surrounded by loved ones.
I am debating the same re: my Mom. She can afford & I think more human interaction would be good for her.. Then again the NPD-Borderline (she tore into 2 Solicitors who phoned today) & Early Onset and horribly argumentative behaviors...coupled with some odd "love bombing" in places...hard to figure out what to do and when.
I think my Mom has to slip mentally more OR she will tear into an aide or assistant.
Your Dad does not deserve this. A change for him would be good. Can he live with one of you or he stays there.. & she goes somewhere else?
But she sounds like my Mom. Doubt she would leave and go elsewhere..right?
You know it’s like a child who doesn’t wanna listen and as a parent you just gotta take control in a loving way sometimes; it’s just reversed now. Start reading up, go to a support group, start researching and be firmly grounded in loving support no matter what comes. God bless you and your dad and mom.
Seek out the evaluation of a geriatric psychiatrist for your mom. She may need a little helping bridging to a new loss of independence.
She hopefully can get enough help that she can be civil to any and all caregivers she needs help from, including you and your dad.
Carve out some special time to spend alone with him. Even if he is putting on a brave face, he is going through a lot.
Then Plan B re: your Mom....