By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Look what you've written....
( Not verbatim)
She doesn't want to go into assisted living or nursing home.
&
I can't afford to pay her rent.
I'd like to keep her in her section 8 apartment.
So is Mother looking to live with you or have you subsidize an apt. for her, in your area? Or are you just trying to solve the issue of her loneliness?
Mother has made her decision clear. With no other options available to her, she must live with what she's chosen.
As for you, please don't take on the responsibility of Mother's happiness. I Know how hard that is, but you've also said what you want. And that's for Mother to stay put.
So again, you both are struggling with the decisions you guys have made, either through lack of funds and unwillingness.
Continue to do what you can for her, as I'm sure you will, and maybe visit her more frequently, if possible.
It's all about acceptance.
Best of luck to you both.💖🌹
Attend these courses and also learn as much as you can about your mom's illness. I don't believe you can fix any of her problems by moving her closer to you. But you may be able to get some ideas of how to help her without taking on too much of the problems yourself. Good luck!
She is most likely resisting a facility because she is holding out hope you’ll take her in. Consider that her mental issues may escalate as time goes on. Do you have a partner and a family? How would it work to have mentally unstable grandma constantly in their lives? Tell her you’ll move her closer if she agrees to go into a facility and then apply for Medicaid.
You didn't say how close you live to her. Are you in another state? In the same town? Try not to make it your responsibility to fulfill your mom's need for companionship. That's a black hole you will get sucked into.
There are a few things you can do though. How about setting up Meals on Wheels for your mom? The volunteers who bring the meals (around noon each day) are very nice and friendly and they will stand around and chat for a bit. It would give your mom something to look forward to everyday. Meals on Wheels accepts donations each week, usually $5.
Another suggestion is to call a local church in your mom's area. She doesn't have to be a member or a member of any particular faith. Call the church and ask that the priest/pastor/rabbi/deacon/minister call on your mom from time to time. The person would come to your mom's house and sit and talk with her for a little while and then probably say a prayer with your mom. It's nice. And free.
I know elderly people who don't leave the house used to be called "shut-in's" but that term isn't used anymore. But if you Googled "shut in elderly" and your mom's zip code you might come up with more free services that would break up her loneliness. You'll just have to do a little research.
Here is an interview given by Atul. You can google his name and find others.
Look up his five questions as well.
https://www.thecut.com/2014/10/atul-gawande-on-being-mortal.html
Now I’m not suggesting this in anyway solves your problem but it might give you a shift in focus on how you think about her advancing age.
With all the problems you mention it sounds like she has managed very well.
Could you get her more help in her home? Home Health perhaps to check on her weekly and an aide to bath her? Perhaps ask her primary to order her PT or OT? Since you can’t ( or don’t want to) move her or yourself, perhaps finding a way to give her more caring interaction would help? Perhaps she would be a candidate for hospice or palliative care?
Sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint the source of our discomfort. Dehydration, a UTI are just two things that could be causing your mom to be more dissatisfied with her life at this point. Perhaps she’s been falling and is afraid. I’d try to rule out any simple to fix problems and see if more frequent visits are possible.
I hope you can find a way to help her live her last days happily. In our culture it’s very hard to switch the mindset from being medicated up in the pursuit of the longest life to actually living a happy life until the end, regardless of when it occurs.