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That is unusual, I need to tell you, for ALF to allow that to go on and remain in ALF.
You are not responsible for her happiness.
As you say in your profile, this is not the mom you used to visit on nice trips. This is a mother with dementia. I feel she should be in memory care. Or yes, in a nursing home if this continues. I don't know how much in contact you are with the administration, but if your mother's medical team cannot get some sort of handle on this then it will be a move to psychiatric inpatient rehab to try medications that will work or to plan for a move to care where sadly your mother may require medications that result in her being "too drugged". I know you understand the options here if this cannot be handled by a medical team.
I don't know how cognizant your mom is now, if at all. She needs to understand that this is now where she lives and that there is not now and never will be again in her life any better option. But that there are WORSE options such as a shared room in memory care where she receives drugs to "keep you sleepy". If she isn't cognizant enough to understand any of that and perhaps control herself to the extent she has any control, then that information would be cruel and useless and shouldn't be given.
You didn't cause this.
You can't fix this. There will not be happiness again for your Mom and the hope for that is likely pie in the sky (not that miracles don't happen). Your mother has severe dementia. The moves have been very disruptive and have perhaps caused a more quick escalation of what would have come anyway. We all hope we can die before this happens to us. My brother when diagnosed with probable early Lewy's was so able to discuss his fears of his future and his wish to die before all controls were gone from him including self-control.
I am so sorry. This is awful. This has no happy ending I fear. I would now consider close contact with the ALF, plans for what the future would mean in MC, and most of all CLOSE CONTACT WITH MEDICAL TEAM. Try everything and anything would be the way to go. For some today it is even medical marijuana which has resulted in miraculous turnaround for a friend's mom in nursing home in Texas. I wonder if the medical team has tried a low dose anti depressant. Or is she ON one and it is making it worse? A hospital gave my brother an ativan to calm him and he went off the rails nuts climbing the walls. People have odd reactions to medication.
I am so sorry. As you say, this isn't going how you hoped. You did a lot to make this as good as you could and NOW LOOK! You are going to have to settle into the fact you are not responsible for her happiness and no amount of money or care on earth can buy it for her. This is now experimental territory in the hopes that "something works" to calm her. My brother hoped to die before Lewy's could really "get him". He did, 1 1/2 years after diagnosis, of sepsis. I will be eternally grateful, as was he those last weeks in hospice. Never was anyone more ready to go.
My mother’s facility that has one that comes in. We needed them on board when the GP was out of ideas.
Memory care is better equipped to handle the issues your mother is presenting with.
Best wishes in getting her moved over to the memory care unit, which is hopefully attached to the assisted living she's already in.
At 92 with dementia , this was a big move for her , which caused a step down that she may not be able to be in regular AL .
Memory care can better handle trying different meds and get Mom less agitated , so she is at peace instead of living in this upset state .
I feel bad for Mom , get her to memory care .
She had Alzheimer’s disease and macular degeneration. She eventually went blind.
My godmother was placed on meds. It can be challenging to find the right meds and dosages.
I agree with cxmoody. Your mom needs to see a geriatric psychiatrist.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
Change to a new environment for people with dementia can be challenging the adjustment period I have seen last a day or two to as long as 3-4 months. Hopefully, she is a smaller memory care unit with A supportive environment for people with dementia that is designed to enhance their well-being and quality of life. Here are some ways to create a supportive environment at home:
Lighting
Make sure the house is well-lit to reduce the risk of falls. You can also try using LED lighting that can be adjusted throughout the day.
Colors
Use contrasting colors on the walls and floors, and select bright-colored furniture that stands out. Avoid patterns and stripes, which can be confusing.
Safety
Ensure floors are non-slip and free of trip hazards like loose carpets. Check that locks, doors, windows, stairs, and balconies are safe and may need modifications. You can also install handrails and mark the edges of steps with bright tape.
Outdoor space
Make sure outdoor spaces are secure to prevent wandering off. You can also install raised flower beds and sheltered seating areas.
Sensory stimulation
Use music, aromatherapy, and tactile objects
I also agree to keep adjusting the meds. I takes time for her body to recalibrate to those changes every time, like 2 weeks. This is a pain-staking process but will pay off in the end.
Is she leaving her room for meals? How is she managing any other ADLs, like hygiene?
Has she been checked for a UTI, just to discount this variable?
Do you know what type of dementia she has? Vascular dementia can produce some very unpleasant personality changes, such as anger, agitation and violence.
I'm so sorry for this distressing situation. I wish you success in finding the right answers and care for her. Please do self-care, since this is very hard on you as well.
thank you
I will be praying for you both
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