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My mother has alienated me and her grandchildren and other relatives and friends. She uses FOG - fear, guilt and obligation to manipulate people. My sis stays close to her hoping to inherit everything.
I have felt guilty at times, but less and less as I see the effect of the stress that she creates has on me. As I get older, I have to protect myself from it more and more, as my health has been affected. I am a compassionate person too, and have had to learn to be compassionate towards myself, which means being very firm about detaching and maintaining distance from my mother and my sister. (((((hugs))))) to you and others dealing with this problem,
I certainly understand your feelings "I have moments when I think I should just be a big enough person to let it go and try to be there for her now, but I just can't." I can't any more either. My mother is 100 and in pretty good health. I am 75 and struggling with a couple if health issues and I cannot allow her to drag me down any more. This could go on another 10 years. I need some peace in my life. I think you are right about your mil being happy if your husband left you and the girls. My mother tried to divide me and my sig other around Christmas, amid a crisis she created. I drew some very firm boundaries which reduced the contact I have with her. I am at the point where for self preservation I am about done, too. I have POA, though she still manages her affairs. If there is more nonsense, I am dropping that - my sis, who plays these nasty narcissistic games too, is my POA back up, and she can have it. More ((((((hugs)))))) Look after you and yours. Joan
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