By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Make a list of things you wanted to do that you couldn't before. And do them. Take a vacation. Clean out those closets. Do one big house cleaning. Take walks. Read all those books you haven't been able to. Push yourself. Oh yeah, get that physical you have needed to get and check ups. Its now your time.
When my mom died, the first few days were a flurry of activity, between all the notifications, phone calls, funeral planning, etc. After a few weeks, when the immediate things had been taken care of, I found myself sort of feeling like I was walking around in circles - the rigid schedule that we had to keep was suddenly loosened up, and it took some getting used to.
Time will help. Seek grief counseling if you think you might benefit. I found it very helpful to set a sort of "goal" at the beginning of each day - small things that had been overlooked during my caregiving times. Like "today, I'll clean out the coat closet"; "today, I'll vacuum down the stairs" - just small jobs that I knew I could handle. It made me feel more focused and gave me a small feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.
But that's not to say that you need to jump right back into things if you're not ready! I think a common thread of those of us who are caregivers is that we have a difficult time just sitting around when we feel that there is something that needs to be done, and not just when it comes to care giving. So if that's the kind of person you are, maybe try to convince yourself that it's alright to take some time to put your feet up and "smell the roses" so to speak. Especially if you feel like you've been "neglecting" things that you feel are "my job". You have put a lot of time and effort into being kind to and taking care to other people; now is the time to be kind to and take care of yourself.
Did you work previously? Would you want to return to working? If not then Volunteer. Lots of places looking for volunteers.
But Take some time for yourself before you get into having to do something.
Learn what it is like to sleep past 6AM, learn what it is like to go shopping without HAVING to get back home at a certain time, learn what it is like to sit and read a book and not be interrupted.
AND..unless you have to break away from the forum keep in contact with this site. You learned a LOT in the years of caring for someone. You picked up tricks, ideas, solutions that worked for you. There are others in the same position you were 2 years, 1 year ago you can pass on what you have learned.
My PCP told me it was OK to feel relief, to be glad their suffering was over. That when my time to grieve came, I would be able to. He told me to Start small, go get a manicure, go to a bookstore and just sit with a cup of coffee and people watch. Get your hair done. Call a friend and go to lunch. Talk to your friends and tell them funny stories about your loved one. Sending a giant Cyber hug to you.
I also spent time going through old photo albums in an effort to remember my MIL as a person, not a patient. That’s something that’s been harder for me.
Wishing you all the peace and joy that you deserve.
It helped me to think about expanding my circle in other ways, physically, socially, etc. Two things that I cut back on while caring for my parents were seeing my friends and taking care of my physical body.
An Aunt of mine came to visit my Dad just before he passed and she told me she had bought new xc skis last winter. She's 80. (EIGHTY!)
That was when I realize how much I had given up for myself and my ability to stay active and fit and enjoy life. I just bought a new bike, and am watching yoga, pilates, zoomba and tai chi videos on my computer. As Covid vacs increase I am seeing more friends and doing short day trips to interesting place nearby for small walks or an outdoor lunch/snack.
Your spiritual and mental components need new challenges too. I volunteer for for 3 hours a week now to help out in my community, and it totally feeds my soul, but isn't the daily or exhausting commitment(s) I had with my Mom and Dad. Mentally, I just try to read more and learn more about this great world we live in and how to be a better person.
It does get easier, I try to remember how happy a Frostie from Wendy's could make her, or her delight in winning at Bingo.
Continue to give your time to those who follow in your footsteps, support is always needed. Volunteer a few hours of your time to some cause you'd like to support.
You were a good daughter-in-law, you have my sympathies and I wish you peace and joy as you move into the next chapter of your life.