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Your main goal is to care for your 14 year old, who should not be subjected to your mom ranting and raving 24/7 and to have their childhood ruined in the process. Look into Memory Care Assisted Living for her so ALL of you can live a normal life moving forward now. It's the right thing to do.
Educate yourself about dementia/ALZ and what lies ahead for you if you insist on taking care of her inside the home. Of course it's not 'normal' that she's ranting all the time; but then again, there is nothing 'normal' about Alz/dementia!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin.
Good luck getting mom's doctor involved with her care now, getting her calming meds, and making a decision about her future care.
I wish you the very very best. I am so sorry these are such tough times. I do think it is time to plan on long term care.
My Husband moaned. Sometimes loudly, sometimes a bit more quiet but it was constant.
If you have ever been in a hospital or facility and hear someone yelling "help me" or crying out in what sounds like pain often this is the same as what your mom is doing.
There are medications that can help with the anxiety. Talk to her doctor about it. make sure that the phrases that she uses is documented just in case there is a call the doctors office can verify that this has been an ongoing issue and that you are dealing with it.
Reassure your mom that she is safe.
If she is in a different room bring her to the room where people are this m ight help if she is feeling isolated.
At night if she is kept busy during the day and is on a set schedule and with the proper medication she may have an easier time getting to sleep.
There are over the counter products that might help. Sleepytime tea might help.
AVOID over the counter nighttime sleep products and things like Benadryl these can make a person with dementia have an even foggier brain in the morning and it may last a much longer time.
It may get to a point where you might have to consider Memory Care for her so that the rest of the family can survive. This is not giving up it just means that her needs are more than you can handle at home.
**a side note here....
If she is in pain then the calling out is completely understandable and the pain issue should be addressed.
there is a good possibility that with the diagnosis of dementia, the fact that he is now confined to bed she may be eligible for Hospice. Their goal is to make sure that she is not in pain and she is comfortable. It might be worth a call to the Hospice of your choice and have her evaluated. Getting a GOOD alternating pressure mattress is important not only for her comfort but to help prevent pressure sores.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Your doing a good job, all her needs are taken care of. Its nothing your doing/not doing. Your family needs calm too. So does she. Good luck.
it would have been devastating for him (and us) to put him in a facility, where he likely would have felt much more lonely. And the caregiver being present relieves my mom of a lot of the burden of caregiving.
I also love the fiddle-muff idea from Swanalaka-brilliant!
Also, realize that dementia is an ever changing disease with various phases that may come and go. Possibly the ranting will go away on it's own. In the meantime start seeking out a facility. It's time. None of you can provide good care for your Mom if you are exhausted and grumpy.
Here's a helpful hint to try. Don't ask her questions. Especially a lot of them. "What do you need help with? Are you hungry? Are you dry? Want to watch TV? Want oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast?"..... A person with a demented mind can't determine what they want and simply cannot process all those questions. If you simply (ha ha, like anything is simple here!) distract and redirect it may help. Move into another room, or another chair. Hand her something to hold. Don't talk at all. Conversation on any level is very frustrating when it's hard to process or form new sentences, hence constant repetition of a fully formed phrase. Hers happens to be Help Me or Please Don't.
My Dad with Alzheimers had a "fiddle muff ". Its a bulky knitted tube about a foot long and with attached things on the inside and the outside. A key, large button, string of chunky beads, tassel, a large die, shred of satin, you get the idea. Lots of different textures and shapes. The first time I gave it to him was after he said his hands were cold and he tucked them in. After a moment I knew he had found the items. He spent a long time rummaging around in the muff feeling for different things. He was very focused on it for a long time.
It's tempting to ask "can you find the key?" but only do that on a good day when she is more cognizant. Otherwise just let her fiddle.
Mine was made by our local knitting group. Its a great way for them to use up leftover yarn and many groups look for charitable causes to knit for.
And keep looking for placement. Your daughter needs you, your father needs rest, and you need your life.
Best of luck to you all.
With my mother one was "turn me over" (she could no longer turn herself in bed). But since she could say that in a loop for an hour or more at a time or even when she was sitting in her chair it was obvious that repositioning wasn't what she needed. In my experience these vocalizations can be worse when there is some kind of unmet need but it can be a game of 20 questions figuring out what the real problem is, and sometimes there seems to be no cause at all so it is impossible to fix. Although you can learn to ignore it to a degree it can really get under your skin, especially if it is happening through the night and disturbing sleep.
Work with the doctor to get control of the sundowning, insist on it because if you can't sleep it will affect you ability to find a compassionate way to provide care through the days and you WILL burn out.
If you want to continue keeping her at home, you need to get her medication that calms her down so that the rest of you - who are trying to live with her - can get some peace, quiet and sleep.
Her needs are only going to increase as her disease progresses. You may want to think about where to place her when/if her needs become too much for you to handle and too much for your 14 year old.
As with caregiving, multigenerational living must work for everyone involved.
I didn't know your mother, but I can guess that
like others her age, she used to be capable of many things.
She was a wife and a mother. She used to have responsibilities of; running a household; providing transportation, preparing clean clothing, nourishing meals; and perhaps working for a paycheck as well. People used to come to her for advice and/or comfort. She could manage Birthday parties and Chicken Pox, Teacher conferences and drivers training. yet still be there for her husband.
But lately, she has little control over most things... maybe not even her bowels or bladder. It's a tremendous loss. And she is grieving.
But she doesn't know how to express it. It often comes out as anger, falsely directed toward those who care about her the most, her family.
You must decide what's best for her. It won't be a return to what she remembers or what she wants. But you know her better than anybody. Try not to take her anger personally. Take a little time out for yourselves so you can think calmly and reasonably and then respond to her the same way.