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The only solution to your future worries is to get back to work. The only way to do that is for mother to get separate care.
If she has money for an aide a few hours a day, use it. Get yourself a job. See if she qualifies for Medicaid "in home" services.
Are you calling a NH an Assisted living? They are not the same thing. Assisted Living is exactly what it says, they assist. You get a room of your own furnished with your own things. There are activities and outings. And you private pay for this.
Nursing homes, Skilled Nursing, Longterm care, are for those who need to be cared for because of health or Dementia that an AL is not equipped to do. Its more hands on care. This Medicaid pays for if u fit the income requirement.
I would think if Mom is 91 your maybe 60? So u have some SS earnings. I would get back to work to make up for the 2 yrs you lost an maybe some. You can collect at 62 but you only get 75%. You probably don't get 100% until 67. 135% if u wait till 70 to collect. You need to look towards your future.
You've put yourself in dire straits now in order to 'save' your mother from AL. Now you're worried, and rightly so, about your own future. Your life is now revolved around your mother who can live for God-knows-how long, and you need help. It's time to look into placement for her NOW, before you find yourself destitute and/or homeless! If she needs Medicaid to fund her life in a Skilled Nursing Facility, then get that ball rolling IMMEDIATELY.
You want to get paid from mom's money to take care of her, yet that will deplete her finances even FASTER and it still won't be enough for you to live on after she's gone. It's a no-win situation here, and what you need is a job and to get mom placed so you can find one.
It sounds to me like you have no other choice in this matter now. You either do what you have to do to save BOTH of you, or you both drown together.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Unfortunately, it's NOT Best for you. As long as you are not working, you are not putting money in SS or investments. What happens when YOU need care, or want to retire?
It is good that mom is carrying her part of the load, but maybe it's time to look into moving her to a NH and for you to get a job and establish independence again.
What did you do for work before mom moved in with you? Time to look long and hard on what you've gotten yourself into. Out of love and kindness, but I sense an underlying desperation.
Your life shouldn't revolve around her. This why you don't jump in the water to save someone from drowning, you throw in a life preserver. 2 people in the water, nothing to shore them up--disaster.