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I am trying to picture what I would do if in your shoes. I would call her Docfor to inform then call 911. I understand she does not want active treatment - this is to get a emergency/crises response as this is what this is - a crises. I understand you are trying to balance your duty of care against her freedom to choose but the TIA's may mean she has lost decision making powers.
Get her somewhere safe, clean & comfortable.
I would call Office of Aging or Adult Protection Services. Ask them to evaluate the situation. There is some decline here maybe from the TIAs. A stranger may get thru to her the way u can't. Also, there will be a record that they have been called in. This is a good way to cover yourself from a neglect charge.
I sincerely wish you good luck. It is an extremely stressful and heartbreaking situation.
If you know she’ll go right back to how she is now if they send her home, tell the hospital staff this.
It’s okay if she’s done with cancer treatment and wants to go. It’s not okay to leave her like this when she is not in her right mind. No one in their right mind would pee on the couch and sit in it!
"Mum, would you like Hospice to come in?"
"Mum, I need to call in APS to make sure you are ok."
"Mum, I know you do not want to see another doctor."
"Mum, do you want to die at home?"
"Mum, how do you want to get pain relief?"
"Mum, I am sure you do not want to sit in poop, how can I help?"
As her questions that give her some semblance of control. So she can see that she has choices. If possible get her answers in writing or record them.
You will need to call and talk to her doctor and call APS. You do need to cover your own backside.
Love your mother as she is, with no conditions, allowing her final days to be as she sees fit. I say that because I just don't believe she'll allow it to be any other way. You can call hospice or get an assessment done, but will she throw these people out? It sure sounds that way. Dying with dignity doesn't mean dying the way WE see fit, but the way THEY see fit, whether we agree with it or not.
I am so sorry for the terrible pain you are all suffering, and pray it will end soon so you can all find peace. Sending you a hug.
There is no dignity in sitting in your own waste, no matter how it is justified. This is severe mental illness showing its ugly head.
I would also tell her that she is endangering you all because the law could say elder neglect. ( I don't know if that is true, but something has to move her)
I am sorry that your family is facing this. I pray that someone gets through to her that she doesn't have to die this way, she doesn't have to lose her dignity.