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I was there for him, and she was not very nice right from the start. I don't I could have done much that would of help. I should of probably tried bonding with her more, but doubtful that would of helped.
I think probably younger caregivers is the best option
I had a female client recently who kept cancelling her shifts because her husband would come out of his shell and start laughing and talking with me. She would tell him to stop talking and leave out the house.
Women are very territorial over their homes. So, I would tread lightly around these green eyed monsters.
I got fired as a caregiver once because the husband called me his wife. The agency ended up putting more younger caregivers at this house instead of middle aged caregivers.
Women are very territorial and it's hard on them to see them doing the work that they want to do. They feel like they are being replaced.
My Mom was offended, like she felt people were thinking she could no longer care for her house (honestly, she couldn't at 97 years old) or care for her husband. My parents were still somewhat sharp for their age, but they had slowed down quite a bit which happens when one ages. But jealously didn't slow down, it only got worse.
Did your step-dad use an Agency to find a caregiver? Some Agencies will send out a different person each day, then your folks could choose which person worked out the best for them, then would be scheduled full-time. My Dad had two caregivers that helped him for close to a year. Both had a sense of humor that Dad liked, and who would laugh at his Dad jokes.