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I'd start with a medical exam. My husband's dementia symptoms always got worse with any kind of illness. He never had a uti, but a cough or constipation -- any change in his health -- could trigger new behaviors. And a uti can cause scary symptoms even in people who don't have dementia. So, a medical exam is first.
But if this is a progression of her dementia and getting an infection cleared up isn't going to improve things, then considering a different level of care for her might be best for her, and for you.
I am so sorry you get that uncomfortable, fearful feeling around your Mom. I did too a few times. It wasn’t really anything she said. It was the look in her eyes. I have never voiced that to anyone. Ever. It makes me feel better that others have felt they same way.
One thing I was thinking, maybe your Mother has an Urinary Tract Infection as that can cause an elder to act out. Let's hope it is something as simple as that.
Otherwise, Mom might need to be moved to Memory Care. Would she have enough to budget Assisted Living/Memory Care? Such places average around $7k per month.
If not, then Mom would need to go the Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] route, where Medicaid will help pay for all of your Mom's care in a nursing home. But please note, that Medicaid can plan a lien on Mom's house [if she owns it] to help pay for reimbursement of Medicaid's costs.
I have gone thru this with my deceased father who had vascular dementia and whenever he had an UTI he would act strange, including punching me in the stomach. My mother is against going to doc appts. I make them and then I have to cancel them.
I have two brothers. The younger one is highly bipolar who sends me strange threatening letters to me since my father passed away a few yrs ago. He is a multiple felon and is not scared of the law and the police cannot help me so forget about him.
My older brother is the financial POA and comes once a wk for 2-3 hrs for bills, plays cards and music with her. I tell him how abusive she gets with me but he told me to laugh it off.
This morning when I went in to be with her I sent him a text telling him that it was time to discuss placement.
Haven't heard from him and it is near 10 pm now.
My mom with dementia had bronchitis last year and was staying at my house and she turned into this scary zombie.. and I hate to say this but I also was uncomfortable being alone with her.
Both my parents have dementia and have seen any illness... especially an infection really change their behavior for the worse. So far once the infection or illness improves, their behavior has improved as well.
Nobody should have to be scared and alone like that.
((hugs))
I don't think anyone here is suggesting you do anything APS would object to. No one says just stop going there without telling anyone. Give notice. Give a reasonable time to find a replacement (reasonable for someone who is actually looking) or arrange placement.
I would also call APS and tell them about the scissors and threatening behavior and explain that you have to leave for your own safety and sanity. You don't want bad things for your mother, but you cannot handle this level of mental illness. See what they suggest.
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