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BTW, if you are standing up to your bully mother, then what exactly has changed since your posts in May?
Good job putting someone on a support board on the defensive.
Is she still (legally) mentally competent? If so, then why don't you let her move back to wherever it is she wants to move back to, and just back off? You've listed anxiety, stress illnesses, the need to be on meds because of her, etc. You said months ago that you wouldn't be taking her on the road trip to see your brother anymore. Why are you considering it again?
We care what happens to YOU.
But maybe you just want to vent, and really don't want to change anything? When I did telephone crisis counseling, we called such callers "poor me, ain't it awful, yes but" people. If you are one of these, that's fine; please just let us know.
Here’s the thing about faking it around family, I bet you’re very good at it. I was good at it too. We learn to fake it for them but we can’t fake it for us. It backfires on us because it makes us sick.
To thine own self be true! I think Shakespeare was onto something there, don’t you?
When you need a break, you need a break! I remember the first time I realized I was not going to kill myself cooking for three days for a huge holiday meal making everyone’s favorite dish! It was liberating!
My mother hated it. Did not even believe me when I said I was done. Sure enough, my brother called and asked what time should he come over and she turned to me and asked for a time for him to arrive. Her attempt at putting pressure on me in a passive aggressive manner.
I did not cave and repeated that I was not ever doing large meals again and I was only cooking for our immediate family. She was floored but she didn’t ask again. She knew that I meant business. Oh, she got her digs in. I heard the insults but I didn’t care.
Guess what my husband and kids said? “Wow, this was a great holiday without them here!” My daughter had dumped her crappy boyfriend that year and it was a much better year for all of us. Do what makes YOU happy! They will survive.
I stuck to it. I did all the holiday meals for decades! From that year on I never did it again.
No one...NO ONE is going to look out for your mental and physical health but you.
35 years ago, I had my 3rd child. I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old as well. Labor Day weekend came and my "then" husband insisted that we take a 2 hour each way trip to his parents' home for the annual BBQ. I said, nope, you take the girls, baby boy and I are staying home to rest (baby boy was 4 days old). Husband yelled screamed threatened told me I didnt love him what would his mom think everyone wanted to see the baby I was a terrible person......
I didn't go. It was the first time I ever said no to him.
It CAN be done. Learn not to care what others think. THEY aren't doing the work.
Yay!
Press on, my dear...you've GOT this :)
You are right. Lord, I miss my independence. thanks Lealonnie.