By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Find another Memory Care Assisted Living residence for mom and some relaxation meds to calm her down a bit.
People get old and very often, they fall. They'll fall if they're home or in a NH. I think that the fact she's 'difficult' is what got her sent 'home'.
I'd re-place her and make sure she has meds to regulate her moods. Once my MIL became violent, the in home cared stopped almost immediately.
Good Luck if this is the way you choose to go.
What do you think would have happened in that case?
Mom would be in care. She would be medicated. She would in all likelihood have falls. Often for our ill elders falls are the beginning of the end. The end would come.
No child can be forced to care for a parent.
I am sorry that your sister took on this care. I am happy that you refused to do so, for whatever reasons.
Were I your sister I would take mother to the ER and leave her there as a "social admit". I would resign any POA/guardianship I may have through an attorney (which must be done because mom isn't competent to receive any resignation nor appoint another to her care). I would request state guardianship and say I am no longer physically, mentally nor emotionally able to care for someone who is total care 24/7. If I had to get psychologists letters to prove that I would get them and have them with me.
These are the hard, cold, simple facts as they would stand for me.
I honestly have no answers otherwise.
I cannot imagine being a slave/a prisoner to giving care in this manner. I do not see how it is survived.
Your mother should be medicated now, and placed in a safety bed such as they exist. Some have a simple netting around the frame that prevents leaving the bed until it is unzipped. As an RN that's my personal opinion. The quality of such a life is abysmal. It is basically being an animal trapped in a cage.
Other option?
Perhaps better is the simply allowing your mother to have her way, which will lead to falls, and falls are, as pneumonia was once (before antibiotics), the "old person's friend" as they used to say of things that took people to the peace of death.
I honestly have no good answers for you. As you and Sis have learned so well, not everything has an answer.
My FIL fell MULTIPLE times in the 8 months he was in SNF. Each time they pivoted and adjusted their plan for him to make things safer - but people are going to fall - you can't prevent it entirely.
The more likely scenario is exactly what you described happened to you - you say she physically HURT you when she was angry. THAT can and will get someone removed from residential care if it is not remediated - because THAT risk is a danger to other residents and staff alike. She needs to be assessed and potentially medicated for her potential for violent outbursts and rage. And if that is under control - it is likely that another facility would consider admitting her.
Like Geaton said below, she was NOT kicked out of her previous memory care because of her falling, but because she is violent. Pretty much everyone with dementia fall a lot, but not all are violent.
Her doctor should be able to help you find the right medications to help her and then get a social worker to help you find the right memory care for her.
Your moms care is now WAY too much for your sister or anyone else, but trained professionals.