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Just a small warning.. I was told it can take at least 6 chats before an elder starts to hear your concerns. If they don't want change, it may take even more.
Remember the sandwich approach? "Been great to have you stay - now time to live apart - can help you to choose your next home".
🥪💩🥪
If you get stuck in a loop at The Chat, start the next stage - Action!
This sweetly veiled threat can be used "Choose your AL or someone else will!" 😉
(I've had to choose one...)
What is your mother's financial situation? Can she afford caregivers and her own apartment? Could she become Medicaid-eligible? Who is her POA/HCPOA?
Tell everyone that either she goes to live with a brother or she goes into a facility. Please don't wait yet another year to make this change.
Wishing you the best of luck getting mom out of your house and back into her own home again.
The thing to keep in mind with Independent Living is if she needs ANY assistance the staff can not help her.
So if you think that she might need a "little" help then Assisted Living would the the better option.
The cost will increase with the amount of help that she needs. If she needs very little help now but in a month or two she needs help getting dressed or toileting that will eventually increase the cost.
I would do the research and narrow it down to 2 or possibly 3 places to tour (you can tour on your own to narrow them down) and let her select. I think choosing from more than 2 or 3 places would be over whelming.
Sounds like you need a vacation...what about trying a morning day respite program in the neighborhood. Sometimes a little change can make a big difference, a little paint and some curtains.
Every Tuesday morning my mother attends a 4-hour program. They provide transportation but I drive her to and from because in case she has to go to the bathroom.
They provide continental breakfast, hot lunch, I have Mom enrolled in Physical Therapy and Speech Therapy. There is a fee for the facility and a co-pay with insurance for the therapies. An RN is on duty at all times. The ratio is 5:1 for assistance. Sometimes they paint, watch a documentary, plant tomato plants, make things, tile coasters. Blood pressure is also checked.
This gives me (4) hours each week to get things done without worrying. Of course you can increase the days' but it cost more $$$. I think if my mother attended more she would backslide as with dementia patients a lot of them are out of it. It's sad to think that someone who had an interesting past life can hardly remember their name. I know my mother is safe, fed and there is medical personnel if need be. The staff are absolutely wonderful and all work very hard.
Exercise is so important for all of us. The windows open and fresh air in everyday. Flowers on the table for each season.
Oftentimes these facilities have different tiers, assisted living, long term care, NH, Memory care, etc. That's the new model.
The bottom line is: Everything comes down to $$$.
If you have a lot of $$$ you have more options. I don't know a lot of people at least in my social circle that can afford the assisted livings with all of the add-ons--everything is a la carte. (laundry, medications, accompanying to the medical appointments).
Start with the finances first and realistically look at everything and say what can Mom afford "in the area" so you can check on her.
Hope this helped...
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