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There are definitely places that can care for someone with your mom's symptoms.The first one Dad found wasn't the right one. But there are some out there. What does the doctor who is following her dementia suggest?
Seeing a geriatric psychiatrist could possibly result in medications that would calm Mother and also suggestions about the level of care she needs.
It sounds like Mother needs too much assistance for an Assisted Living Facility. In my opinion, many families can care for their loved one at home through the ALF level of care. Once a person has care needs beyond the assisted living stage, it is usually not safe and not adequate to live in a private home with one main caregiver. I hope your family can find a suitable place for you mother.
So use the "stages" as a guide but do not base your Mom on predetermined "stages"
It sounds like you need to address the agitation. Pacing, walking seems to be common, I noticed it when I would drop off my husband for Adult Day Care.
I find it odd that a facility would have her leave. They can find a way to redirect. It may require that she find an anti anxiety medication that will work for her and the correct dose.
You say it’s tearing your family apart. That’s so hard and for peace of mind, look into a 6 resident board and care that cares for Alzheimer’s/ dementia residents. Your mom will get much more attention and hands on care that she needs and requires than an assisted living memory care facility. This, too, is from experience. Look at the state licensing and complaints before so you can really know if it’s a loving facility.
Hopefully from searching this site you can get some good advice.
My Mother is 96 now and has been diagnosed with late-medium to advanced Alzheimer. She was first placed on the floor with other patients who were also at similar stages. To the surprise of the nursing staff, she was still walking around although she has almost no recall of short term memories. She talked to staff and was sociable while the rest of the floor is in bed or not able to express themselves. It broke my heart to see my mom so isolated with no one to talk to and surrounded by what I am sure she could see was going to be her future. She was there for 7 months.
Because of her uniqueness, in the last 2 months, I have been working hard to get her moved to the regular nursing home (it is a very large facility with many levels of care) where there are residents with physical, as well as, mental issues - yet they are all walking about or on wheelchairs. I finally got her psychiatrist to re-evaluate her. Good move. We found that although she still is diagnosed with medium-late to advanced level of Alzheimer, she has now been allowed to be with people who can still engage in conversation and who do not mind someone who repeat themselves - yet is loving and has a smile on her face.
What I am trying to share is that you need to be mindful of her individual needs and try out different environments for her to see where she has more quality of life. The best way to go is finding a large facility with different levels of care so that you have the option of trying out where she will fit best. No place will ever be perfect. You just need to find the best alternative and that may take persistence and time on your part.
I found that the staff was at first very reticent to risk giving Mom more freedom out of fear of what 'could happen' - will she wonder off? Will she bother others? There came a time, where I truly had to stand my ground as the legally responsible person for my Mom, and say: "You cannot keep my mom isolated due to your untested fears." I followed that meeting with emails to the social workers asking them to 'help me help Mom' - after all, they are there to take care of the emotional side of the equation, making sure that there is the right quality of life for each resident.
It worked. Mom was very agitated and depressed when isolated. She has been in the new environment now and seems to be happier as there are people who she can talk to, she can seat outside on the porch to see the trees (she was in a secured floor before!), and can experience aliveness around her although she has no short term memory to boot! Yes, she still goes through confusion and sometimes she calls me not knowing where she is, but that happens any how as part of the illness. But now at least, she is not alone and sad.
Get your Mom to a larger facility where options of care are available and movement is possible.
All the best!
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/stages-of-alzheimers-disease-118964.htm
Did your Dad try a Memory Care center for your Mom? These are different from a regular nursing home, as these centers only care for those with Alzheimer's/Dementia. Check with Assisted Living facilities and with regular nursing homes to see if they have a Memory Care wing.