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Fortunately, I live at home and don’t have dementia at age 81, but I still miss the comfort of sleeping with my husband.
One thing I like is a vase of fresh flowers I can see and focus on when I’m falling asleep. Also, I wonder if there is a scent available that would remind your Mil Of her husband. It could go with the pillow with his shirt. My husband wore Aramis for decades, and every so often I take a good whiff of that.
January 2022 is extremely recent. It is important for her to let those emotions of despair and loneliness and devastation play out. If she can express them verbally or in writing, encourage her to do so. Daytime activities are great and will help her build some connections at her facility, but they do not eliminate the need to feel all the emotions that she is feeling.
A counselor might help, but if her Alzheimer's is still mild enough that she can participate in group conversations, a support group might help even more She and other people can tell their stories and share their shock and listen to others who are going through the same things. She might learn she is not insane nor is she alone in her loneliness and shock. There are online support through churches, Hospice organizations, or connections from Alzheimer's Association.
In my own early months of widowhood, a support group helped me feel I had not gone entirely insane. I was alone most of the day and night and did not talk to many people, but I wrote down my feelings and I wrote "to" my deceased spouse and I wrote everything I felt. At first I wrote for several hours a day. It was a big help in getting feelings out in the open and off the "hamster wheel" in my head. Counselors may recommend "journaling," which sounds unnecessarily formal. Just write what you are thinking--curse words and all. If MIL is not up to writing a lot, cold you arrange a way to tape her verbally so she could just talk about how she is feeling in the middle of the night? (PS_I wore my husband's "cancer hat" at night for a while. I still wear shirts and jackets of his and thank him for his wise choices in something comfortable.)
Does mom use the Internet?
https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-grief-support-groups-4842333
If not, perhaps the national hotlines are available 24 hours and she could call whenever she wants.
https://www.opencounseling.com/hotlines-us
I am so sorry for your families loss.
May The Lord help you all find a way through this difficult time.
She must really feel his absence when everything settles for the night. After all, this is usually when a married couple is truly alone together with nothing pressing for their time or attention.
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