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My dad died when I was 15. He had a non-malignant brain tumor that started to bleed. It started when he was home - he complained about having a headache, and went to lie down for a little while. When my mom tried to wake him, she couldn't. He was in a coma. He was transported to the hospital. Once there, one of the internists in the hospital (not my dad's neurologist) upon examining my father asked my mother "What did you do to him!?" She dealt with that guilt for a long, long time even though my dad's neurologist assured her that there would have been nothing anyone could have done to save him.
What that aide said to you was totally reprehensible! Unprofessional doesn't even begin to describe it! I'm sure your LO is not the first person in this facility who wants to go home, and I'm sure he won't be the last.
If I were you, if this aide makes a comment like that again, tell her that. Ask her "Why, is my dad the first person here that you've cared for who wants to go home? Maybe if you can't handle comments like that YOU should find a different line of work."
You don't owe this woman any explanation as to your decision to place you LO, which I'm sure was one of the more difficult decisions you have ever had to make! It's your responsibility to make sure he's safe and cared for, and you have done so. You are grieving, which is understandable, but rest assured you have done nothing about which to feel guilty.
(((hugs)))
We had problems with the aides saying "You're right, you don't need memory care." They were just doing it so he would calm down and cooperate with whatever task they were trying to do.
It's just a matter of education. The administrator should have the aide attend (or re-attend) some workshops on dementia and better ways to interact with the patients.
Tell the administrator. The aide just needs better information. If he or she really thinks every elder belongs at home, maybe a job as a home care aide would be more appropriate for them.
Either this aide needs more training or needs a different line of work.
Be kind and reasonable, but also remember that if the aide is saying this to you, one must wonder what is being said to others! Please do report her comment - either so the aide is reprimanded or let go - neither of which would be your fault.
Best of luck!
Sometimes inexperienced (or young) health care workers become too emotionally involved in their residents' lives and they don't think about the consequences of their comments or their actions.
Please do not feel guilty that you had to place your LO in a facility. You did what was/is best for him. {{{HUGS}}}
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