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Hire the best divorce lawyer in the area and let DH know you'll be asking for child support AND alimony. He's choosing his mother over his wife and children and that's very inappropriate, very hurtful, and very expensive.
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2019
I would let him find out in the legal papers. He doesn't deserve any courtesy at all.
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No, you are not a terrible person. Your husband is being unreasonable, and maybe because he's scared, but he shouldn't take it out on you.

Would a skilled nursing facility be a possibility? Once she is ready to be discharged from the hospital, they might recommend skilled nursing rehab anyway if she has had a stroke. A hospital social worker could probably help with applying for Medicaid as well, since it sounds like she may need NH level of care on a long term basis. Insurance will only pay for rehab for a limited amount of time.

Reiterate to your husband that his mom needs a professional level of nursing care, which is more than any of you are equipped to provide. Even NH workers take shifts, one person cannot do it all. And your children have to be your first priority.
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No - call his bluff. I doubt he could really handle a business - his part of having the children - plus a demented mom. Insist on marriage counseling - the therapist will likely tell him to pull his head out of his a$$ - that he 1) does NOT get to dictate to you what you will do and 2) he has no idea what is involved in elder care of someone with dementia.

Has he pulled this "then I want a divorce" sh$# with you before?

if he won't go to counseling - then maybe you go - get some help sorting issues and communicating your feelings.

I think it is kind of lucky your husband is still walking around uninjured.
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YIKESMUFFY Dec 2019
Yes, he is very lucky to be walking around uninjured...Remember what Lorena Bobbit did, LOL!
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Ugh, he is choosing his mother (and his job) over you? Not good. Does he give a reason why he doesn't want her to go into a facility? Fear? Price? Guilt? Would he be open to having her for a defined amount of time WITH a caregiver from an agency for 8 hrs every day? Don't become her caregiver or you may be the one wanting the divorce. He has no understanding of dementia or the path your MIL is on. Perhaps a stint in couples counseling would help? Do you belong to a faith community that provides counseling on a sliding scale fee? If he won't go you should go on your own so you are supported. Also contacting a geriatric care counselor may be a neutral source of information for him to process. Blessings to you and your family as you work through the issues.
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No sister you are NOT a terrible person!!! I feel for you. Your husband and his brother have their heads stuck up their butts and are not facing reality. Oh and they think the women should handle her??? Dont even get me started😡 yes please stand your ground. Your life as you know it will disappear, you and your children will be destroyed....please take time to read everyones stories on here. I think you already know in your heart this will not work and it will only get worse. Please dont destroy your and your childrens lives for your MIL....you may want to let your husband know that 40% of caregivers die before the person they are taking care of!! Please keep in touch here. There are so many women and men who are walking this caregiving journey......they will offer very good words of wisdom. Wishing you strength and courage to draw your boundaries and stand up for your family 💞 Liz
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cherokeegrrl54 Nov 2019
One more thought.....if your husband wants a divorce, then he can move to Tulsa and take care of his mom and dad....
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I don't like how he's treating you. You have children to look after. An elderly is a full time job. It's too much. If he doesn't understand, then unfortunately.......
Very sorry, ((((Big Hug)))
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No. You need to do what is best for you and your children.
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