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Would he talk about it if you visit with another female friend? Maybe try this.
In the meantime, redirect the conversation to something completely unrelated. Just keep doing it. If it doesn't work, you'll need to just end the visit calmly and tell him you'll be back later. Everything about dementia is hard. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
My wife eventually called the police at 3am. (Side note-when a woman calls the police at 3am, guess who gets told to leave the house?) She also thought I was out to kill her. (For the record, I was NOT).
If he really believes this, there is no telling what he will do if he suspects you are having an affair. Yes, he looks and sometimes sounds like the loving caring man you have known for so many years. However, his mind is failing and neither you nor I can predict what will happen next. It is more than time you get him some kind of care. Call a memory care facility near you. Explain what is happening. Get them over to evaluate your husband.
Don't wait until things get worse. This is not like renting a hotel room. You need a facility that can help him. Not every assisted living facility is a good match. You need to start immediately.
I know that you already know that here there IS a therapeutic lie (which I so seldom believe in) to be told. If he can remember to bring up this friend of yours tell him that you can't even remember his email and haven't heard from him in forever and he's likely dead!
Other than that, and your reassurance, there is so little you can do. It has to be heartbreaking. I wish I had a better answer for you.
No big deal for anyone concerned. He’s lost his ability to filter his comments, and it’s no reflection on you or him.
Best response is no response at all. His comments have no bearing on his previous life, nor yours.
Relish your memories of who he was, and let go of your attempts to convince him or change him. He can’t change.
Meantime, are you able to spend some time away, doing things you like to do?
Good luck
"If I did have a boyfriend I'd bring him in and introduce him to you"
"I'm 80, If I have boyfriend then we aren't doing anything cause the equipment doesn't work"
"Well If I have a boyfriend then you have a girlfriend here, where is she"?
"Hire a PI to take pictures of me and this boyfriend and then we can get a divorce"
That is really all you can do.
He will continue to be in a verbal / mental 'loop.'
Gena / Touch Matters
I was once involved in a situation where an elderly man with dementia was very paranoid that his wife was having an affair, he was 'seeing' the man in their apartment, etc. She was so ashamed that she never told anybody-protective worker, home care aides, visiting nurse, her daughter - nobody. knew.
Until the night she managed to get him off of her as he was trying to strangle her...and she called 911. He was placed in a locked mental health unit until his meds were adjusted to manage his delusions. Then he went to a nursing home. Staff were aware to watch for any new 'attachments' to female residents or anger at male residents.
The point is, treating the delusion before it is so far advanced can be very important. But you need an MD and perhaps a geriatric social worker to help assess your particular situation.
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