By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I know this is very painful for you and I’m sorry you are going through this.
You must understand that your husband in many regards is gone. He has slipped back in some ways to a younger version of himself. Sneaking out and wanting to visit with the young girl sounds like a teenager. His brain is broken and while you may not have dementia, your brain is trying to make sense of what has happened to your life!
Very understandably you are confused and looking to right this fiasco. If only we could figure out who to blame?!!
I suspect your family member who is responding so flippantly doesn’t have a clue. Few of us do until it happens to us. You are the one trying to get everyone’s attention that things aren’t right so that makes them uncomfortable. They might have to actually do something.
Lets start with the basics.
Do you have a POA? Has he been declared incompetent?
Have you been to a certified elder attorney to make sure all of your paperwork is in order? Have you contacted the Area Agency on Aging to see what services are available in your area?
What are your plans for his care? Can he afford private pay or is Medicaid in his future? He may need memory care now or he may need a doctors visit to make sure he doesn’t have a UTI, or a reaction to one of his meds.
Is he violet?
Have you found a support group for yourself?
Don’t waste your time expecting family to step up. You can let them know what help you need but so many caretakers waste precious time and energy trying to make others want to help. The ones who can or will have probably shown up by now.
Its very important to get the right legal help. Especially as a “community spouse” so that you can protect your own financial future should he have to go into care.
It may seem that I have glossed over your two timing man. You don’t have time to worry about that other than to make sure he has no ability to give away valuables or cash to one who might try to exploit him. Of course he shouldn’t be wandering. That may be what is going on with him slipping out. Not all, but many with dementia wander for a stage and then he may stop as the disease progresses.
The man you lived with and loved for 50 years is fading away.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Come here to vent and join in with the other caretakers. Recognize that you will need help and plan for it now. You will never be more able to set things in order. Don’t put it off.
Also if you haven’t please read “Being Mortal, Medicine and what matters in the end” by Atul Gawande.
Since he can possibly still sign needed paperwork at this level of his disease that he might not be able to sign in the future see a certified elder attorney soon. Filing for guardianship is much more expensive.
Supreme Court Justice, Sandra Day OConner who would visit her husband in his care facility would find him with his “girlfriend” who also had Alzheimer’s. She was happy that he was happy. He had it for twenty years. She has it now.
Here is a link to read more about it.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1576716/Judge-lost-husband-to-Alzheimers-and-love.html
Of course you feel like he's cheating on you, he's actively pursuing another woman, whether physical or emotional infidelity it hurts your heart.
I would protect your finances and then try to get him a psych evaluation, they may be able to calm him down. Escaping and wandering are a part of Alzheimer's and dementia.
Hugs, this has to be so hard. Could it be time for professional care for him?