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You don't say how long your husband has been in the facility but, it takes some people months to adjust to change, especially dementia patients. They will only cause him to lose the acceptance he is gaining by time passing.
Dementia is progressive and they need to do some research about what they are dealing with.
I think that you can talk to your husband, you just can't talk with him. Did you guys have good communication before he got sick? If not, it probably is going to be difficult for you to talk to someone you didn't talk with pre dementia.
I think that reading to them and just chatting about anything and everything is okay and beneficial for the patient. My grannie always responded positively when you smiled as you shared news with her,she didn't have a clue what was being said and she couldn't respond, gibberish occasionally, but, she knew that a smile was a good thing and responded.
I recommend trying to engage him in activities at the facility, bring shareable treats and go meet people. This will help him settle in. I like the idea of hershey kisses and tell people, hi! I wanted to introduce myself and my husband and give you a kiss. People respond to fun and friendly. Help him adjust and keep your kids from isolating him in an apartment.
When my husband was in hospice he was unable to communicate. It was just before Christmas and I thought he was going to pass the Sunday/Monday before the holiday. As Christmas became closer I would let him know I wanted him here a little longer. I did not want the grandkids have to relate Christmas with Papa's death. I believed he heard me because he passed away on 12/26/20 @ 1:06am.
The dease has taken over your husband but I believe our loved ones are still some where in there deep down behind the dease. Prayers for you, your husband and family.
bob Morgantown WV
Probably the most common side effect of dementia is depression. That can be treated. It is not a reason to move him. Talk to his doctor. The next step in his care plan would not be his own apartment, it would be memory care. 24 hour care would be much more expensive than MC, would create more isolation, and wouldn't offer any social contacts.
He made noises and occasionally would say a word but there was NO conversation.
I would talk to him just as I always had. Yes a response would have been nice but often the look in his eyes or a smile on his face was all I needed.
So ...
Talk to him about your day.
If you are taking him out babble on about where you are going and what you will do.
Tell him what the kids are doing
If you have a birdfeeder at home tell him about the birds you have seen.
ANY conversation is fine.
I think the idea of putting him in an apartment with caregivers will isolate him more. In a facility there are more people to try to engage him.
If the idea of an apartment is realistic why not move him back home with the same caregivers round the clock. He will have you as well as the caregivers to keep him engaged. Is he a candidate for Adult Day Care? If so moving him home, going to Day care might be stimulation enough.
I got used to it.
So it is more talking at him and smiling.
Iit's not the same as conversation but it made him feel like he was participating and it was great fun.
And even though his words were few, he always knew when I was having a bad day, and he would open his one arm(the other was paralyzed)for me to come get a hug. He gave the best one armed hugs ever.
So the point of my story is, just keep talking to him like you normally would. It doesn't matter if he doesn't respond. He's still part of your life, and can still here you, and still wants to be included in your world. The more you do it, the easier it will become.
Also music can be very powerful when someone has lost their speech, as the music part of our brain is separate from the speech part. You might can try playing some of his favorite music and see what happens.
I remember when my husband first had his stroke and he couldn't speak a word. The speech therapist came into his room in the hospital, and said to me, watch this. She asked my husband to sing the happy birthday song with her, and as she started to sing, he sang right along with her. I was shocked, as up to that point he hadn't been able to speak a word. It was then that I was told that speech and music come from two separate parts of the brain, so again, that might be worth a try as well. I wish you the very best.
The cost of round the clock care could be at much as 10k a month and I am basing that on $15 an hour. Then its the cost of the apartment. Lots more expensive than an AL and I don't see where it will solve his problem. He has Dementia. In the early stages he knows something is wrong. Depression is part of the desease. IMO you need to keep him where he is and allow him to adjust. Allow the staff to do the caring.
Now talking to him, just like said. You make the conversation. What I would do was sit with a group of people and hold a conversation with them and bring Mom into it by saying. "Isn't that neat Mom" things like that. At her NH a woman who knew Mom would visit her husband who was non-verbal. We would sit there and talk with both Mom and the husband with us. She would turn to Mom every so often and say "now what do u thing of that Peg". Such a nice lady.
"So, Bob, I thought today I'd go work in the garden and plant some flowers." Take him outside with you, and keep talking -- "These are begonias. I think they'll be red and pink. Do you think they'll look nice?" (Don't expect or worry about the answer.)
Discuss TV programs you watch together, read the newspaper comics out loud or discuss what's in the news, talk about what you'll put on the grocery list or make for dinner -- just practice having conversations. Yes, they're one-sided conversations, but talking to him keeps his mind stimulated.