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If she's been playing mind games, your friend should have the money owed her ready to hand to her, and escort her out the door. Have someone else there with her when she does this if she thinks the caregiver might cause trouble. Be sure to get any keys she might have, and be sure to change the locks or passwords to your internet -- anything she might be privy to.
Be straightforward, unemotional, and there is no need to make explanations. Your friend is the employer, and she can fire anyone she pleases. She does not owe her an explanation.
If your friend wants to be nicer, she can give 2 weeks notice so that the carer can make other arrangements.
If the relationship is not good, it may avoid problems to give 2 weeks pay in lieu of notice - PARTICULARLY if she is not clear about insurance for accidents. Expensive last minute accidents (even computer sabotage) is the reason why employees are often escorted off the site immediately after being fired.
If your friend wants to make up a story for an excuse, go for something like ‘my family want other arrangements in place before I go away in 6 months’ or ‘my dear dear cousin is going into a NH and has BEGGED me to take on her dear dear 20 year caretaker, and I just can’t say no’. Or anything else that comes to mind.
When it comes to getting rid of the gaslighter, I like Margaret's simple approach: give notice according to whatever was agreed at the time of hiring - and I agree that it would be best to pay for the time and let her go, you don't want someone who's potentially resentful working out her notice period in your house - offer a reference, and leave it there. The caregiver isn't owed any further explanation and I'd avoid it. Your friend could probably do without the hassle.
What form does the gaslighting take? Is it serious - possibly posing a risk to future vulnerable clients - or just annoying?
She needs to tell the CG that things aren't working out as expected, her services are no longer required, thank you, goodbye & good luck. You can give her two weeks notice or pay her for two weeks, which is preferable to me to get her out on the spot and not have her lingering around for 2 weeks. Paying her a month severance pay is uncalled for, in my opinion, unless she was a long term employee. I agree with making no mention of a reference; why recommend someone you're firing for 'gaslighting'???
Sometimes it takes time to realize it’s not a fit or can no longer be a fit.
Give her two-weeks notice and a month's severance pay. That's the decent thing to do, but no reference.
If she's not a good caregiver and there's all this alleged gaslighting going on, I would not send her off to another position with some other unsuspecting person in need of care.
You or someone else close to your friend should stay at her house for the two weeks while the caregiver packs up and transitions out.
On the other hand ‘two-weeks notice and a month's severance pay’ is over the top for an hourly paid casual worker. And two weeks supervision ‘while the caregiver packs up and transitions out’ is simply impossible.
I know you think that carers have a hard time, but this is unusually unrealistic from you!
I would tell the lady that moms looking to move in with family or to a facility immediately. There is no need to go over performance at this point.
If the OP's friend doesn't employ her caregiver legally, take taxes put, and pay into social security and unemployment insurance then the caregiver can't collect. So giving her severance's pay woule be the right thing to do.
The suggestion by other posters that your friend should put up with this person just because they might be a protected class is nonsense. Caregiving is a very up close and personal thing. She shouldn't spend one more minute with someone she isn't comfortable with. Anyone can be hired and anyone can be fired.
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