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You’re being jerked around and forced to do something you are not equipped or trained to do and don’t WANT to do. So why do it? You’re a big girl. Make reservations at a nice hotel with a bangin’ Spa and have a blast.
I would not stress about pitsing “the boys” off. After all, neither one is considering your feelings, wants or needs.
Hubby will have to take time off to care for his father. They can have some “real bonding” time. Yeah, boy.
Make reservations, leave the day he arrives and come back after he leaves and be rested, refreshed and not stressed out by suddenly being an unwilling caregiver. If you get any flak, who cares? They didn’t care what you wanted!
Remind your husband that his dad should be careful to bring all his meds and his paperwork. DNR, insurance cards, list of meds and drs should he have to make phone calls on his dad’s behalf. FIL should bring extra meds just in case.
Perhaps you could contact a home health agency to know terms and availability should the flight leave your FIL needing personal care.
Have an urgent care in mind just in case.
Remind your husband of any accommodations his dad might need in the home, seating, special diet etc.
Perhaps a wheel chair rental for outings?
This trip sounds very important to both of them.
You might pick up the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. I think it would help you not be so anxious about your FIL traveling to your home and about taking care of him.
if he’s used to being alone most of the time, you should be fine going about your business as usual.
If you are very anxious about it remember it’s just a week. Get out for a walk everyday or meditate a bit each morning.
Plan your meals and set things up where it’s easy for FIL to wait on himself when he needs to.
Its pretty neat that he isn’t afraid to live his life and that your husband supports him.
I hope you help make the birthday special.
I know I speak for all of us when I say we’re glad it went well...and that it’s over. Take care of yourself and keep in touch!
See it all went OK so dad can come and live with us, Oh BTW Im off for the next week you will manage alright scenario comes to mind.
Make your husband take time off and be there for HIS dad.
If FIL has trouble walking I imagine there will be difficulties with the accessibility of the toilet and shower as well as his meals and oxygen, in addition to a transport wheelchair you might look into renting a shower chair and a commode that can be placed over the toilet which increases the height and provides arms for stability. Plan meals with his eating problems in mind - think soft and easy to eat without teeth (lasagna instead of steak). And I can't imagine DH allowing the poor man to navigate the airports on his own, unless he is a frequent flyer the flights alone will be a very stressful experience.
If not, you could insist on hiring professional nursing help for the week and suggest your husband's family look on it as part of the celebration expenses.
If they won't buy that, then all you can do is draw your own lines about what you will and won't do to assist; and not stepping out of your pay grade is a perfectly reasonable view to take. Stick to your guns.
Any consequences that then ensue are the responsibility of those making the decisions, and not yours, and you must just rise above any residual feelings of guilt. And happy birthday to him!
but at least its only a week? Don't feel responsible for this mans health if you can.
just do your best and if something happens that is beyond your control during the day call 911.
let your husband deal with the nighttime situation (he's home by then?) of oxygen.
I think whenever something is going to happen and we fight it. It just makes us more uptight not to accept it. take a deep breathe and tell yourself I can make it thru one week.
I think I'd be doing a google search for an agency and contacting them to see if they can supply someone quickly if needed.
If he hasn't already made arrangements, maybe they won't let him on the plane!
Prayers!