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I never like to hear someone like yourself being guilted into halting your life & happiness. No one has a right to do this to you.
Your grandmother, if you really think about it, should be supporting you and your decisions if they are what you want to grow and thrive in life. Keeping you stationary is selfish. If she loved you she would set you free to achieve your life goals.
Pack your bags and move on with your life. You are 30 years old and you’ve done more than your share. As someone said mostly anyone can do the things you do for her.
There’s always Skype for video visits.
You have every right to live your life. If you love your fiancé you will go with him as you originally planned. I’m sure he is supportive but there will come a time that he just won’t wait anymore. Don’t let anything stand in your way if that’s what you want. If not, stay with your grandmother and let your fiancé go and find someone with the same goals.
I am amazed at how many grandkids are watching their grandparents. I truly am. I don’t know how you do it!
I visited my grandma a lot! I also had a full time job though so my time was limited as is yours. There are only so many hours in a day. Your grandma is going to require more assistance than you can give her.
Some tough decisions will have to be made. Think about this realistically.
Even if a fiancé wasn’t in the picture, could you afford to quit your job? No, you couldn’t.
These are your building years to establish your settling down years. You need roots so you can grow! You have a wonderful young man to share that with. I fell in love when I was young and I can’t imagine risking losing him for anyone, not even for the grandma that I adored.
Have a talk with grandma first. Remind her how much you love her. Tell her that you know that she loves you and depends on you. Tell her that you love your fiancé and he loves you. Tell her that you will help her make a plan for her remaining days. Then go, be happy. Stay in touch with her.
My heart aches for you. I know this is hard for you. In years to come you will see that you made the right choice. Please stay in touch. We are here for you. Hugs for you and hugs for your sweet grandma!
You are 30, it is time for you to be living your life and it is unfair of grandma to try to make you feel guilty.
You can set her up on Skype on a tablet and have a set time each week to chat. She will see you and talk and you will have your visit without chores.
If you still want to 'help', you can order her groceries online. You can get her bills set to online and pay them online for her.
Please understand there is no "wrong" choice here. The only mistake is not being honest with yourself about what you really want and what you are willing to give up to have it.
If you really want a family oriented life and your fiance wants a life based around his career then your happiness with him will be limited and perhaps not sustainable.
If you want to build your life around your or your fiance's career, then staying around for grandmother may be a choice you deeply regret and even fuel a lot of future resentment.
If you decide to follow your fiance, then I suggest the two of you make the commitment and get married. Value yourself enough to demand marriage before you move away from everyone else you love along with your lifetime friends and well loved places. Second, get your grandmother to assign her POAs to you so you can continue to manage her care from a distance. I recommend encouraging her to move into an AL before you leave so you and grandmother can both _know_ she is somewhere safe with any required assistance available.
You have a absolute right to have your own life, the life YOU CHOOSE so please no guilt for not wanting the life someone else wants you to live. I wanted to have a career and still stay around my family and hometown, so for decades I worked out of town during the week and returned home on the weekends. I was willing to get up twice a week at 4:00a to get to the airport or make the drives, often keeping a rental house or apartment at the work location to make it work. You can find the path that works for you too. Just be honest with yourself about what YOU really want.
It was her adult responsibility to not only have a plan but to come to peace with it as well. If she loves you she won't want to anchor you to her at your young age. If she wants to make you her durable PoA there is still much you can do from afar for her but staying to make her declining self happy should not be part of the plan. She may have a fear of NHs because of how she things they are but maybe you can take her to some and show her there are some that are very nice. Also, she'll have a social life in AL, something she won't have isolated in her home. This way others who are qualified will be keeping a responsible eye on her. She's afraid of change. Very understandable and very common but very counterproductive.
Leave and live, and try not to feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Blessings!
Let go of the guilt you have done your part, let someone else take over the reins.
Mt best, enjoy your new life.