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If you get him into a facility that can care for him correctly and he is able to, "blow his brains out" then that is not your fault. Suicide is never someone else's fault. My guess is he is using that to control you and it is working. If you can not get him into a facility I would definitely call Adult Protective Services.
As far as I know, there are VA facilities in which he could live "free," or with whatever income he has being acceptable. My uncle left his wife after many years for another woman, who had been in the Army for four years in the 1940's. Because of her service, they moved into a VA facility (in California, but I imagine they are everywhere). The facility had various levels of care, from independent to bedridden and everything in between. After she died unexpectedly, my uncle stayed on until he died years later, paying for his care with only his social security income.
I have just looked at the US Government Department of Veterans Affairs website, and there is a section called "Geriatrics and Extended Care." This discusses nursing homes, assisted living homes, etc., all about various locations where veterans may live. It's very informative, and there are phone numbers for contacts and help.
I would do my best to find a new location for your father, whether it's a nursing home through Medicaid or through the VA. You don't deserve this burden. Be strong! Best of luck to you.
Know that most people that intend to commit suicide NEVER talk about it or throw it out there to get their own way, it is not about controlling others when it is real, so stop responding to his vicious manipulation with catering to him and killing yourself in the process, your high blood pressure is a very real danger to you. Many caregivers die because of the stress and lack of self care while trying to be good daughters, sons, wives, etc. to selfish unreasonable loved ones, please do not allow yourself to become a statistic. It is never easy when the people that raised us start pushing our buttons, they know every one of them, remember they created most of them and the guilt that accompanies our response if it differs from their will. Love him through this by doing everything in your capabilities to make sure he is in a place with professionals where his NEEDS are being met, also expect some ugly words from him, he is used to using them to bend you to his will, smile, say I love you and walk away, it is okay to NOT be his scratching post. My dad told me I didn't need to come see him everyday, which was when he first went into skilled nursing, I said okay, walked out and did not come back for 3 days, he was happy to see me and has stopped being so ugly with me. I see him once a week now and even though he thinks it should be more, it is what I can handle right now, choices and consequences, we all have to live with our own.
I pray you find peace in this hard journey and take care of yourself. Please keep us posted on your progress, cuz you can do it girl!
God bless you in this New Year and give you strength to deal with your unreasonable dad.
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