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Leave the woman alone and please do not 'push her to get up and move', such a thing should not even be a consideration! Your mother is 87 years old, with obvious health issues that led her to the hospital AND rehab recently, and now she's tired and wants to sleep. Allow her to do that. It's a whole lot better than having her up and screaming at you all day long or ordering you around/complaining or carrying on like we see happening with SO MANY elders here on the forum.
It is not our job as daughters and mere mortals to determine when it's time for our mother's to pass; that's God's job. All we can do is try to make their lives as comfortable as humanly possible while they are alive and leave the rest in God's hands. The end may be indeed be near for your mother, nobody knows. You may want to speak to her PCP about a hospice evaluation now. Hospice can come in and see what they think about how long she has left to live. They can provide you and your mom with excellent services like bathing that will help you a lot. All of their meds and services and medical supplies *like a hospital bed/wheelchair* are free and billed directly to Medicare who pays 100% of their fees. An evaluation may give you a better idea of what's happening with mom's body right now.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
I'm not saying you should be a sergeant major barking orders and marching her around the house for exercise, but I'd encourage her to follow normal daily routines - up in the morning, breakfast, meds, toileting, washing up, and then maybe a little nap - rather than staying in bed until noon (and beyond). And dozing in a comfortable chair in the afternoon rather than in bed allows you to clean up in her room and relieves those areas of the body that may be prone to pressure sores from too much bed time, it also allows her to be included in family routines rather than someone forgotten a separate area of the house.
She doesn't understand why she is not rebounding like she did in her 30's and 40's. After each hospitalization she does have in-home PT/Ot care but when it ends it ends -- her aide doesn't try to get her out of invalid mode because it is to her benefit.
She's been assessed by hospital social workers as being of sound mind, so legally her PCP and I (along with the family) are in difficult position legally.
If your mom is having incontinence issues I would suggest that you consider the Pure Wick external catherer system for nighttime. It is expensive but worth the expensive -- minimizes UTI's and linen changes.
Medicare doesn't cover so we need to get our Congress people to push to get it covered - asap.
1. My 91 yr old sister suffers from dementia and is quite deaf. She sleeps all night and takes 3-4 hour naps twice a day. At 86 she moved to an AL where she did well. Activities were well suited to her intellect and interests. Bridge, book club, quality movies and exercises. It was close to where she had been living so she continued having visits from old friends. Just as the pandemic hit her son and daughter-in-law moved her to a memory care unit. Like so many others, my sister suddenly lost all the activities and friends she enjoyed.
Today life is opening up, but she is surrounded by folks with even worse dementia. She sleeps a lot. Amazingly she has no physical problems. Literally takes no medications. Could she be suffering with depression? My vote is probably. But I live a four hour jet flight away and that’s an avenue her son will have to pursue. I visit her twice a year - not enough time to have say over her care.
I have no reason to hope for a return to past interests or friends. Long story short, I see no reason to “force” more activity. The facility she lives in has nothing to offer her.
2. The other perspective is mine. I’m 82, in relatively good health and a life long introvert. I live in a NON-senior, dog friendly apartment complex. No organized activities. No meals. I’ve made friends and love watching kids play and dogs all over the place. Perfect for me. While I made need “care” at some point, I honestly dread the regimented living that communal living requires. (Meals at certain times, activities like bingo). My kids and some friends feel as tho I should “do” more socially. But I’m happier with my simple life than at any time ever.
BOTTOM LINE: Base care arrangement decisions not on what others may like/need, but what best suits your loved one. I’m so lucky to have grown children who agree with me on this.
I now have come to believe that none of us really work that way, whether elderly or very young or any age in between.
Try “good mornings” of opening the curtains and a pleasantly jingling alarm clock (not too loud) maybe even the smell of coffee.
You’ve done your part. Let up a little on her AND yourself, get a check from her medical practitioner and make note of changes, if any.
I bet going back to Standard Time didn’t help either.
I want to say that it's incorrect to just let your mom lay in bed all day. That's a recipe for weakening her body and her mind. The brain is highly involved in walking and walking is a very complex set of actions involving ears, eyes, speculation, reasoning, touch, coordination, balance, .... you get the picture. If you want a dementia patient to go downhill, fast, put them in bed and leave them in bed and never allow them out of bed, and they will lose not only the ability to even stand or walk, but the mental capacities that go along with that, plus loss of muscle and bone mass.
It is important to distinguish between allowing somebody to rest, and not allowing them out of bed. These courses of action are by no means the same thing.