My dad pays me $1000.00 a month for his full time care. Is he paying me too much?

Tell your sister to check rates for caregivers like Comfort Keepers and include cooking his meals and it will be an eye opener for her. If you are giving him that much care and are you cleaning and doing his laundry? If so, sis should thank her lucky stars you are doing it all for him for that amount.

A sitter is $25 an hour on average for adult care. That comes to $200 a day for an 8 hour shift. So he is actually only paying you for 1 week out of the month.

OH MY GOSH! Perhaps you should let your sister take care of your Dad for several weeks while you go on vacation. I am sure she would realize what a sacrifice you are making and that $1000 a month is a bargain! $300 a month is less than $1.00 an hour if you are providing 24 hour care. My Mom is paying $6000 a month for the same in home care.

Arrrgggh. As with so many others, I feel I MUST post even if I'm not saying anything new. Show your sister these responses you're getting; if she won't sub for you for a week to get a taste of what it's like, maybe she'll listen to us.

More than the physical things you do for your father, you're providing him with the security and happiness of family care. If $1000/month keeps you on the job, it's still a GIFT you are giving him.

We have a live-in aide and pay her $20 an hour for 12 hours a day, or $1680 a week.

No it is not too much. The list of things you shared is just a portion of what you do. The worrying, the watching and just plain being there for his every need is hard on you, but because you love him, you do it. Would your sister be able to handle all of this. OR would she rather you put him in nursing home ( ave cost 6-8,000 per month) and he wouldn't get the extra special care that he's getting with you?

You should offer to take a month off and have her take your place.....she will see just how hard it is.

God Bless You for what you are doing.

The short answer is no it isn’t too much from any angle you choose to look at it. But more simply and to the point, this is what your father wanted and chose to do, this is what he felt was fair based on what he felt he could afford. Remind your sister that he took it upon himself to go see an attorney to make things legal and if that attorney had any questions about your dads competency during their interactions or the arrangement itself (like he was paying you too much) it would have come up. He has a legal responsibility to be sure his client is capable of entering into a legal contract.

Im less apt to bash or be so suspicious of your sisters motives, though she is being very unrealistic and probably isn’t going about it well she probably has no idea. She may even feel shut out or jealous of your relationship with Dad or guilty about her inability to be as big a part of his care, whatever the reason for that. Not everyone is cut out for or able to care for their failing parents for all kinds of reasons, one being the emotional strain of the in your face mortality and when you aren’t submerged in caring for them daily it can be harder to figure out how to make the most of each day rather than mourn yesterday. It’s like when your children are very young, the parents living with them every day don’t experience their growth and changes the same shocking in your face way grandparents, aunts and uncles who see them less often do. With an aging parent each time you experience the shocking change it’s emotionally more difficult and can become frightening, what am I going to find this time, as well as maybe a picture of your own possible mortality. Not sure I’m explaining that well but perhaps helping your sister understand in a more gentle way rather than writing her off or locking her out. I don’t know how far away she lives but if she is close enough maybe you could ask for her help, go away for a weekend and have her stay with Dad or have her take him in to visit her for a long weekend, week even. Maybe keep her in the loop more about doctors appointments, medication, vent a little about the things that get to you sometimes, lean on her a little more, laughter with her about dad things. “I went grocery shopping for a couple hours and came home to find a scorched pot, I fix something for him ahead of time every time I go out and remind him not to use the stove but...should I turn off the breaker every time I leave the house?! Lol I keep finding his toothbrush in the freezer, what’s that about? Hahaha” Let her know about some of the day to day challenges without using them to prove that you deserve compensation. You could even point out how expensive it is to get some help and ask if she could come stay with him for the afternoon, this way you are being cognizant trying to conserve his money and letting her know without that confrontational thing, just how expensive caregiving is as well as how much he needs the supervision.

If none of this is really applicable and it may not be, just hold firm both to yourself and to her that this is the way Dad wants it and set it up. Changing it up or down (though I could come up with reasons to increase it) is dishonoring his right to make decisions for himself, his last feeling of independence. Also I’m not clear as to wether Dad is actually living with you or not but there are basic expenses if that’s the case too an it’s not fiscally responsible with his money not to cover those in case he needs Medicare in he future an so their are less opportunities for bad feelings later around the settling of his estate.

Good luck and do try to put yourself in your sisters shoes as much as you can while trying to deal through this, I’m not saying it’s fair she is wrong but it’s a relationship that will be better to strengthen through the next 10 years, for you and for your dad, rather than strain if at all possible.

Who has the POA? I suppose she thinks the room and board you get is some form of compensation. Let her see the bank statements to prove you are not taking all his money.

I would ignore her.

Your sister is a sour apple with a cheap selfish heart. You are not getting too much, if anything, you are being underpaid. Keep up the good work, it's very difficult, is an understatement.

Wow I am so blessed to have a sister that comes out to help for a couple of weeks when she can. She lives 2,000 miles away and although she is retired she doe have a busy life.
i agree that sis is clueless, which makes her appear self centered. My question is this:
what kind of relationship have you had with sis? Has she always been in charge? Has she always wanted things her way? And going forward, what kind of relationship do you hope to have after dad is gone?
it would be so satisfying for a moment to tell her off now, but doing so would have repercussions later. There are ways to stand your ground politely. I’ve seen others do it and I study them. Your sister may not agree at the time and may need to get the last word in, but stay polite.
also make sure you have POA and are in charge of the trust and are his health agent on his POLST. You are with him, so you will be the one to make decisions rapidly. Get all this paperwork in order while dad has capacity to sign.
when my kids were little and complaining about friends I told them they needed to stand up for themselves, but do it in such a way that when they invited the friend to church the friend would want to go! Very difficult, must pray first.

No. He is not paying you to much.
That is $250. A week.
That is nothing.
Im glad you get something.
My mom lives with me and my husband. We get nothing.
No rent. No bills helped with.
She has money.
Im afraid to ask for financial help.
I have 6 brothers and sisters.
Im sure if I was to get any money they would have a problem with it except for 1 or 2 of them.
I take care of mother because I want to but it would be nice to have a little help.
If you went to a nursing home as a job . You would get paid a lot more than $250. A week.
Its a 27/7 job when it come to taking care of a parent at home.
People who take care of their parents ,and do a great job, are exceptional people.
Keep up the good work.

without reading the replies - I would tell her to find someone who will do all that for $300 a month and do it with love and a good job. Frankly all of us would love to find someone for $1000 a month. I'm certain she wouldn't touch doing it for $2000 a month,

That is not even minimum wage. Even if you include free room and board. If you paid the average sitter $20 per hr private sitter - figure how much it would be. Sister is seeing "her" inheritance going away. Too bad. Like so many who do nothing - they will be first in line when Dad passes. Offer to split care with her - 2 weeks she has to stay 24 hours a day and other 2 weeks you will. It will never happen. Dad knew what she was about so made contract while still able. Bravo to him. As for her and the other do nothings - either step up and share in the caregiving 50 - 50 or sit down and shut up. It would cost a lot more if sitters were hired. Your sister is doing too much for the little bit she is being paid.

A 12.000 yearly salary? Are they kidding you?
Tell your sister you are glad to have her take over the job any day so you can get a real job; anyone else you do this live in work for would double your salary in a second.

We paid a caregiver over $1000. It would cost us close to $10,000 for 24 hour care per month. We put her in a beautiful memory care facility for a lot less. $8000.
Dont listen to people including relatives who do nothing to help. $1000. Is cheap!
Be sure to take time for yourself. I’ve been where you are.

No, he is not paying you too much. In fact, he may not be paying you enough. I would contact several agencies to find out their hourly rate, bearing in mind that the agency keeps a portion of the hourly rate for administrative services. In my area, aides make between $9.00 and $15.00 an hour based 9n experience. $15.00 is on the extreme high end.

Your dad is getting a BARGAIN. Your sister is an IDIOT, possibly a greedy idiot. If she keeps agitating over your pay, I would talk to your lawyer again about possible ways to either handle her if she starts threatening legal action against you. Let her know you're talking to the lawyer about it. Cut off communication with her (allow her communication with your father if they want to talk). You are a good person. Don't waste your time on people who only tear your down.

Absolutely NO! Lol. Break it way down for her. 1000 x 12= 12000 yr. 12000/52 wk = 230.769 wk. 230.769/7 day = 32.967. 32.967/24 hr = 1.374.
Then tell her you would gladly split care and money with her two weeks on two weeks off. Bet she'd change her tune when she realized it's not easy.

Writing before reading others. Got my calculator out. EVEN if you ONLY consider working an EIGHT hour day, by my calculations you are making under $5 an hour! AND you are on call and working way more than that.

Oh, I would see an attorney alright. A certified elder law attorney and get that caregiver agreement re-written ASAP for a higher amount WAY higher, and get some guidance on your own tax situation to make sure your own income taxes and social security are tended to as needed. Some people with dementia are still capable of knowing enough in the moment to be able to sign a document with an attorney assuring of that and having a witness present. They can educate your father in the moment of what the going rate is, which is typically no less than $20/hr. EVEN with an 8 hour day/7 days a week that is already over $1K PER WEEK.
YOU ARE NOT BEING OVERPAID. HE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

And I'd tell that sister of yours SHE can take over and take care of Dad for $75 A WEEK 24/7. What planet was she born on??

I'm sure you have already done the math to figure out what your hourly wage is. If you are at his house 24/7 and handle issues throughout the day and night as needed, you're making about 1.40 an hour based on 720 hrs a month. So, did you give up employment to care for dad? Were you already living there and unemployed? Are you getting anything else in exchange for the caretaking? Free rent, food, car, gas, your bills paid? If so, maybe that is what upsets her. On the other hand, she may just be looking at the fact that dad is spending what she thought would be her inheritance. She is not going to offer to help if she already thinks you are overpaid and sister conflict from past might be part of the problem. Hard to say about that.

If she brings it up again, you might ask her if she knows of a service that would do all that you handle for dad for the $300 that she is offering. Or offer her to split the $1000 and she can come stay with dad 1/2 of the month and you the other half. When/if dad reaches a point you can no longer care for him in the home, she'll find out what facility care costs. While she may have no experience with facility care, those who observe what goes on in many facilities will find the fee for the services is way beyond the actual care patients receive.

As for the attorney, the contract and the amount - did dad know what he was doing 2 years ago? Let's just say sis is right and you wrangled a deal, unless you are getting a lot of other benefits on the side, you're still available to care for him to the tune of about $1.40 and hour. If you get extras, see what those are worth and divide by the 720 hours in a 30 day period and see what your services are worth.

Excuse me!! That’s $10/hr—-If your sister can get someone to do all you do; & care as much as you do—tell her to go get someone that both of you approve of!! The cheapest you can get someone to do all you do is $30-50/hr!! (In Northeast area)

Without knowing your age and work history, I'd say, Bust this sister out for thinking that $300 a month is enough for what you do. Does SHE still work in a job that takes out Social Security and FICA deductions? You most certainly do not, based on what you post and what you report you are doing. This is costing you in ways you do not necessarily see right now because you are dealing with the immediate situation. But it will cost you down the road. DO NOT let that happen just because your sister feels entitled to have you work at scut wages does not mean that you should. If you need help in your old age, do you think that Sis will be there? I think not.

$1000,00 is not nearly enough. I have an invalid spouse and know the cost for caring. $5000.000 would be the minimum for full care. Hope your sister reads this as she has not a clue about the work or toll on the caregiver.

BrendaBP, I have nothing unique to add to the many great responses you've already received other than to say I am sorry you are in that situation and that your sister is a jerk. I am in a very similar situation regarding my sibling who has said that I am somehow fleecing our mother for the amount she pays for round the clock care, even though it's about 25% of what it would cost for her to living in a facility near me.

NO WAY! You are a wonderful daughter to do this for your Dad. It's none of your sisters business, it's between you and Dad. Don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing. I did it for 6 years with both parents, my sister's always had something to say. ❤

BrendaBP, Allow me to say this. My dad had dementia as well. He has since passed away. Before we made a decision to place in him a facility, I offered two of my siblings all of his social security and pension which equated to roughly $4700 per month to move into his house and provide him the level of care you provide, as they both are in the home health care business. Free rent and board... Both turned me down. I commend you on what you are doing. Taking care of an elderly parent with dementia is extremely difficult. As someone has eluded to... your sister is an idiot.

I'll have to add to my previous post; I'm pretty worked up over your situation!! $1000 per month would be just enough to cover his rent and utilities to live with you. On top of that, you should be getting about $1,000.00 per week for taking care of his affairs, housekeeping, financial planning, social activities, MD appointments, cooking, laundry, and I'm sure other items that I'm not even thinking about!!
As others have mentioned, I would tell sister she's completely correct! You need to shred your current "contract" and build a completely new one. One price for Dad's room and board, then another price for your work as his caretaker. If sister doesn't like it, she can take him in and take over, or shop around for prices at 55+ communities.

Before I read anyone else's answers, you are absolutely deserving of the amount your father drew up, which only equates to $250 / week.

Last fall, when I went on a pre-planned vacation, my daughter who lives with us and works full-time was unable to care for my mom during the day hours, so we hired an agency aide at a cost of $25/hr for a 40-hr week. That was $1,000 for 40 hours, 1 week, not even a month.

Additionally, my Mom sounds about like your dad physically; she is 95 and forgetful. When we went to her eldercare attorney last year, the attorney suggested the same kind of contract as your dad drew up and the amount was identical to what your dad decided and you receive. We didn't do it at the time, and then all the things going on this year, I've kind of forgotten, but after reading your letter, I think we need to do this. It surely would help me as I am not working.

Tell your sister that no live-in private aide would would work for $6.25 / hour ( $250/wk divided by 40 hrs = $6.25 ), not even counting living there and being available for all the other 148 hours of the week, during the evenings and nights.

You definitely deserve it! This is not even taking into consideration, the lack of time for you to have a personal life.

Not sure if it is in your home or his - but either way the living expenses should be split - lawyer should account for that in calculations.
1000 is not too much — and likely sis knows this all ready